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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28615293">A text away from you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ungesabi/pseuds/Ungesabi'>Ungesabi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Crossdressing, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:29:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>35,064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28615293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ungesabi/pseuds/Ungesabi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Atsumu and Kiyoomi are longtime friends. What would happen if they both catch feeling for each other without the other one knowing?<br/>There will be a lot of pining... and misunderstanding too.<br/>Plus a little bit of spicy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter one.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: mention of mild vomiting in the first lines!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Omi! You lost!”<br/>Kiyoomi was tipsy and was sitting on the floor, in front of the video game that had kept them company up to that moment.<br/>The air was a mixture of cigarette smoke, alcohol, fried food and sweat.<br/>Since neither of them really wanted to celebrate that New Year, they decided to have dinner together and party in their own way.<br/>Rejoining at university had been incredibly fun, Kiyoomi hadn't changed a bit in those years, he was still the usual curmudgeon, pedantic and misanthropic guy he always knew.<br/>Atsumu was really happy to be able to reconnect with him, after they had separated their ways during high school.<br/>“I beat you again, so drink!”<br/>Atsumu chuckled, pouring him a shot.<br/>“Oi, you’re annoying me!”<br/>“What? Cantcha stand alcohol, princess?”<br/>Kiyoomi generally never declined a challenge, especially when drunk. He was even more short-tempered and stubborn.<br/>“Give it here, asshole. I can drink as much as I like and kick your ass in this video game at the same time.”<br/>Kiyoomi was totally blacked out, definitely more than Atsumu, who was still pretty tipsy.<br/>Kyioomi drank and touched his head, dazed. Atsumu heard fireworks and music outside the apartment.<br/>“Happy New Year Omi Omi!”<br/>He hugged him, squeezing that body against his in an inappropriate way.<br/>He was so happy that Kiyoomi agreed to spend that day with him, the two of them alone.<br/>Atsumu never thought he could have so much fun, that he could be so comfortable with him. He pulled away slightly, looking at Kiyoomi’s face, red from the alcohol. Kiyoomi’s lashes were quite long and created small shadows on his cheekbones.<br/>He had a dark button as an earring, and other signs of holes that were still closing. Atsumu wanted to kiss them one by one. He was sure he could control any strange urges, he had always been adept at controlling himself with girls, so he was not afraid of his strange desires. Or maybe not?</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu placed a hand on Kiyoomi’s cheek, focusing his eyes on the latter lips.<br/>Kiyoomi seemed on the verge of collapsing and smelled of alcohol. He had definitely drank too much, and that left Atsumu perplexed, because Kiyoomi was always very controlled.<br/>Maybe something happened with his father.<br/>Atsumu touched Kiyoomi’s lips with his thumb, unable to remember all the million reasons why he shouldn't have.<br/>Any inhibition forgot, perhaps erupted with the fireworks that continued to illuminate the sky.<br/>Atsumu buried his lips in his friend’s, sticking his tongue and kissing him with an almost ridiculous passion. Atsumu hugged him, pulling at his shirt, and felt something strange under his fingers. It was as if Kiyoomi was wearing some sort of undershirt underneath, but the shoulder strap was extremely tight. He was too drunk to care. Kiyoomi pushed him away, letting a thread of drool join them<br/>“...Disgusting.” he murmured with a bitter expression, before collapsing against the sofa – “don't touch me.” He then growled.<br/>“Kiyoomi ... I love you…” he said tipsy, trying to get him close. “I really love you so much.”<br/>The latter had struggled hard, protesting vehemently<br/>“Stay away from me!”<br/>“Kiyoomi, please... “<br/>Kiyoomi’s hand pushed his face away in anger, Kiyoomi then vomited on him, cursing him. He then fell asleep, completely collapsed from alcohol.</p><p>Atsumu was shocked and covered in vomit. He remembered nothing else after that terrible way of being rejected. He only knew that he vomited too and felt infinitely pathetic.<br/>That had been the worst New Year of his life.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Two years later.</p><p> </p><p>“And then Pali-chan wrote me that she likes guys who like eating, like me! She is so smart and knows a lot of things about books, films, art, astronomy ... she really is a cultured person, perhaps a little pedantic, but she is adorable when she acts like a teacher.”<br/>Kiyoomi was quietly eating his salad at the Fast Food near the university, while Atsumu bit the sandwich ferociously and spoke with his mouth open.<br/>“I hope she sends me a picture, she must be pretty.”<br/>“You shouldn't get too excited about someone you met on the internet.”<br/>Atsumu chocked on a bite and took a sip of water. “But you know I can't deal with other girls. Besides… what can I say, Pali-chan seems to understand me, she seems to know me, I want to meet her.”</p><p>Kiyoomi knew that it wasn't true that Atsumu didn't know how to deal with other girls, he simply got bored.</p><p>Somehow Kiyoomi understood it, Atsumu had seen more vaginas than a gynecologist in the past two years.<br/>Kiyoomi deadpans. “Instead of talking about your romantic nonsense, do you know if your dad still have that job to offer me?”<br/>Atsumu shook his head. “Unfortunately, the event is canceled, sorry.”<br/>"It’s ok." Kiyoomi replied, thinking on how he would fix that derailment. He had to avoid spending money that month again, or he risked having his light cut out.<br/>Kiyoomi glanced at the clock at the top of the room, noticing that he still had six hours to study and finish correcting those tests that Washio had given him, then he would have to go to work. He also needed to sleep, the pub where he worked always closed at two in the morning and it wasn’t very easy to attend classes after a restless night. Then there was that leak in the bathroom, and the wi-fi that never worked, not to mention the fridge that occasionally turned off randomly.<br/>I just need to organize, and I can do everything.</p><p>In a near table sat two boys. Kiyoomi immediately noticed that they were holding hands, and Atsumu seemed to notice them too. When he noticed that Kiyoomi was looking at him, he averted his eyes.<br/>Atsumu stared at them with contempt.<br/>Kiyoomi frowned at that. “What's wrong with you?<br/>“Nothing.”<br/><em>Nothing my ass.</em><br/>Atsumu had glared at those guys with a note of disgust. Kiyoomi said nothing.<br/>He really loved Atsumu. To be honest it was more than that. Kiyoomi had an idiotic crush on him that he stopped fighting with. He stubbornly tried to deny it for the past two years, looking for other men, never being able to forget Atsumu’s face.<br/>He had been friend with Atsumu for a long time, they slightly lost contact in high school, and then found again at university. Atsumu was more beautiful than ever. He was exuberant, altruistic, popular. <strong>Homophobe</strong>.<br/>And for Kiyoomi, who was far worse than many other gays, who was wearing women's underwear under his clothes and pretended to be absolutely casual about it, it was truly divine punishment.<br/>It hadn’t always been like this; Atsumu was cool with homosexuals, he had always been accommodating. Then, suddenly, a few years earlier, he begun to glare at them, making really unkind comments, he always referred to them as "fags" and expressed questionable and useless opinions about certain gays who behaved like "hysterical queers".<br/>Kiyoomi had never dared to open his mouth, he didn't even want to know how Atsumu would react if he discovered his sexual orientation, but he realized that he had accumulated a considerable anger at all those disrespectful comments and certain phrases genuinely hurt him.<br/>“I would like to ask Pali-chan to meet at the prom.”<br/>“The dance your dad organizes?”<br/>Atsumu nodded enthusiastically. “Sometimes it's not bad to be the mayor's son. I can let her in without having to register her. I mean yeah, it's a masquerade party after all. I think she could accept… I don't know, I hope so.”<br/>Kiyoomi ordered a coffee, knowing he'd otherwise collapse on the books.<br/>“I guess that's a good idea.”<br/>“You are strangely kind today, you haven't yet said ‘idiot, believe it, pathetic’.”<br/>Atsumu didn’t notice Kiyoomi’s momentary smirk.<br/>“Whatever I say, you will go all the way in, so I don't even waste my time.”<br/>“Yer coming, right?”<br/>“Do I have a choice?”<br/>Atsumu shooked his head. “I need your moral support. What are you dressing up with?”<br/>Kiyoomi shrugged. “I'll improvise.”<br/>“Do you work today?”<br/>He nodded.<br/>“Why can't I come and see you? I want to see where you work.”<br/>Kiyoomi glared at him.<br/>“I've told you a thousand times they're very strict at work, I need this job, so you can't come for any reason in the world.”<br/>Atsumu frowned, nodding.<br/>Kiyoomi sighed in relief.<br/>He worked every day at a gay bar, and it was a really relaxing environment for him, perhaps the only place where he could be himself.<br/>He had made friends. His boss, Bokuto, was a very kind person, in a moment of despair for Kiyoomi, he had given him a job and a place to shelter. And he needed it badly at the time, since his father was no longer giving him a penny. In addition, Bokuto had recommended him a site where he could order lingerie without risking of being glared.<br/>He noticed that his phone was almost dead.<br/>“Can I use your phone for a moment? I need to call to work.”<br/>“No. - Atsumu replied immediately - you can't, it's full of porn images.”<br/>“You know I don't care about your porn images, lend me your phone!”<br/>Atsumu pulled his hand back. “I said no!” he replied sharply.<br/>Kiyoomi snorted loudly. “I don’t’ care about your conversations with Glenda.”<br/>“Her name is Pali-chan, and you better respect her, because one day she will be my wife. Now I'm going to invite her to the prom, right away.”<br/>And he started scribbling on the phone.<br/>Kiyoomi looked at him with an amused grin, without commenting.<br/>Pali-chan certainly couldn’t come, since she didn't exist. But pissing off Atsumu by faking to be a girl on that idiot chat was a great way to vent his frustration. In fact, he loved Atsumu, but his homophobic comments had lit his revenge desires.<br/>So, he created that fake profile on the chat that Atsumu had previously subscribed to and started writing to him.</p><p>The saddest and at the same time funny part was that he didn't pretend to be a lovely, sweet and loving person. As Pali-chan, Kiyoomi wrote what he wanted to write, he chatted with Atsumu as he normally would, he didn't tame his temper, nor softened his sharp words, he just used a fake name.<br/>Yet Atsumu was fascinated.<br/>“She doesn't answer me, maybe she's busy.” Atsumu commented nervously. “Let's hope she accepts.”<br/>“Do you like her so much?”<br/>“Yup. She is a force of nature, sincere to hurt, she doesn't mince words and her tactlessness makes me laugh, and she seems really brilliant too.”<br/>Kiyoomi didn't want to feel so flattered and warmed by those words. He knew that the moment Atsumu learned that Pali-chan was not only a “he” but also his best friend, all those words would disappear.<br/>He crossed his legs. “Maybe she’s ugly.”<br/>Atsumu shrugged. “You know, I don't know if I'd care. The body attracts us, but it is the feature that makes us fall in love. And if she’s my soul mate, I'm sure I'll like her anyway.”<br/>Kiyoomi rolled his eyes. That soul mate thing was a story he had heard ad nauseam. Atsumu really believed that bullshit, and dated different girls almost every day, hoping to meet "the right one".<br/>Kiyoomi wanted to tell him that a night stand wasn’t enough to establish whether that person was a soul mate. Kiyoomi pretended he didn’t care but he hated seeing Atsumu with girls, so he might as well keep quiet about his advice and see Atsumu wandering from one girl to another, looking for something that didn't even exist for him.<br/>Why did they call it a soul mate?<br/>If Kiyoomi thought about his soulmate, that could be just that idiot of Atsumu, and he didn't look like him at all. Instead, he was almost his opposite.<br/>Kiyooomi had renamed Atsumu as his "idiot soul", since he was the intelligent one. But sometimes the idea that he was seriously linked to that one asshole next to him for eternity, sounded more like a curse.</p><p>A guy at the back of the Fast Food shop chuckled and snapped a picture of the two guys who were sharing a sandwich.<br/>Kiyoomi caught the look of discomfort and humiliation in the eyes of those two guys and curbed the instinct to stick the head of the rude photographer into the public toilet of the Fast Food.<br/><em>At least they are together.</em><br/>One of the guys stopped his boyfriend suggesting him not to pay attention to it and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Kiyoomi wasn't really envious of that scene, since he didn't define himself as a romantic type, but he still felt a kind of emptiness when he made the comparison with his own table.<br/>Atsumu was blushing and seemed disappointed, as if he didn't want to see that scene while he ate.<br/>“Why do they have to do these things in public?” he muttered. “I don't want to see them while I eat.”<br/>Kiyoomi could argue, but he didn't want to. He didn't understand why Atsumu had such a rigid opinion on just that topic. He was easygoing with everyone, selfless, open-minded, kind and generous. Why did he have to have such bigoted ideas only about gays?<br/>The only thing Kiyoomi could think of was that he felt rejected, rejected as a human, as a friend. Yet that hadn’t stopped him from seeing Atsumu. He was an incredible person, and Kiyoomi unfortunately loved him. A small, optimistic part of him was convinced that if Atsumu would have knew about his sexual orientation, he would have changed his attitude. He would have become a gay rights advocate, accepting Kiyoomi without hesitation for who he was.<br/>But it was such a small hope that his fear completely crushed it. The fear of seeing the same scandalized expression on Atsumu’s face like the one his father made when he discovered his sexual tastes. That was the last time his father had ever spoken to him.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu went back home, taking off his shoes and throwing them at the entrance.<br/>His apartment was rather fancy, considering that as a mayor's son he wasn’t lacking money. He shared the house with his best friend, Suna.<br/>“Sunarin your damn underwear!”<br/>“Shut up! And stop discarding Kiyoomi’s giant posters around the house!<br/>Atsumu blushed and went into his room, muttering that he forgot them every now and then.<br/>His room would have seemed to anyone the one of a maniac, or a serial killer. That was why no one could enter it, except for Suna.<br/>He had always liked photography and kept it as a hobby, he spent time and money on it. Some subjects or landscapes attracted him more through the lens, and he dedicated hundreds of photos to them.<br/>Like Kiyoomi.<br/>Kiyoomi was his muse, and he had lost count of the photos he had taken of him, when he didn't see, when he was distracted, when he was away. He then periodically printed them, wallpapering the room.<br/>His room was therefore full of his photos, some of them enlarged, alternating with breathtaking landscapes and picturesque images of sunsets or special nights.<br/>He threw himself on the bed, postponing again the moment when he would have taken down all of those photos from the walls of his room.<br/>But now it was different, he had found someone he really liked, even if he had never met her.<br/>Suna walked into his room in his pajamas, his hair messy and two round glasses over his nose.<br/>“Do you know that I am always disturbed when I enter your room?”<br/>“All artists have their own muse.”<br/>Suna pointed a photo where Kiyoomi was yawning.<br/>“You are able to capture the only moments Kiyoomi has a hideous face. I'd give you a round of applause.”<br/>He pointed to another one, where Sakusa was shirtless. “If a policeman walked in here, he would arrest you for stalking, I think.”<br/>Atsumu looked down, bitter. He knew that for anyone else his obsession would be pathetic, but he loved photographing Omi. He loved focusing the lens on him, changing the colors, waiting for the right light to bring out that ghostly skin, that curly hair, the pink lips, the sharp and defined features. Looking back at those photos gave him a unique sense of satisfaction, not only because Kiyoomi was splendid, but because the camera allowed him to capture Omi’s relaxed moments, the ones when he believed he wasn’t seen.<br/>Unfortunately, Kiyoomi was still extremely discreet, he never changed in front of him, nor had he ever allowed him to visit him on work. Not that Atsumu was going to photograph him naked… well, maybe just a little bit.<br/>“This is really nice though.” Suna said, and he pointed a photo where Kiyoomi was laughing heartily.<br/>It was the only one he had where Omi laughed like that, and the light in his eyes was absolutely perfect.<br/>“Listen, I am not saying you have to throw them away, you have spent money on them and you like them, but, hmm, you see, if you are really going to hook up with the girl, I doubt that this - and he pointed the room - will please her.”<br/>Atsumu knew that. He had never told Pali-chan about his Kiyoomi-obsession, it was something he was deeply ashamed of, and apart from Suna, no one didn't know. He had been so desperately in love with Kiyoomi.<br/>Suna checked his phone, showing him the last post, he shared.<br/>“Does your internet girl know you share anti-gay posts? "There are more important issues than gay glittering marriages" - he quoted with disgust – “God, you piss me off when you act like this.”<br/>“This is the perfect coverage. Especially with Omi.”<br/>His friend rolled his eyes. “Kiyoomi doesn't give a damn about anyone, for him people can do whatever they want, as long as they don't bother him.”<br/>Suna couldn’t understand.<br/>When two years earlier he had found the courage to kiss him, Kiyoomi had whispered that "disgusting" that wrecked Atsumu, and then wriggled away from him like that, as if he hated even the idea of being touched.<br/>He was rejected sometimes in his life, okay, let's say a frighteningly high number of times. It always hurt to be rejected, but he had never felt that sense of frailty and humiliation, as in that moment. Being called disgusting, after putting his lips on Kiyoomi’s, was like receiving a stab. But in the end, it wasn't Kiyoomi’s fault, he was right. Atsumu had acted impulsively and disrespectfully, kissing him like that was the worst thing he could do.<br/>He knew he wasn’t gay, he was never interested in anyone other than Kiyoomi, maybe he was bisex, he didn't know.<br/>He was sure his obsession with his best friend was a little weird, but he had stopped fighting with his brain.<br/>At least now Pali-chan was there to bring him back on the path of the heterosexuality.<br/>He had often wondered if Kiyoomi remembered anything from that evening, in any case they had always pretended nothing happened. Atsumu prayed with all his heart that Omi forgot about it.<br/>“I would like to have a picture of Pali-chan. I would like to fill this place with her photos and replace these ones.”<br/>The most disturbing thing was he wasn't bothered by the myriad of black eyes watching him from those images. He felt hopeless, because those eyes could only assume certain shades when Kiyoomi was alone. He would never let his face express such emotions in his presence.<br/>“Tsumu, I think you’re putting too high expectations in a person you have met on the internet and never saw.”<br/>“I know, but the way she talks to me ... I don't know how to explain it, but it's as if we know each other, sometimes I get angry as well, but I would really like to meet her.”<br/>“All right.” Suna sighed. “Then explain me why you printed other Kiyoomi’s photos. Seriously, there isn’t space anymore here and I don’t want to feel that look on me again.”<br/>“Why, you would jerk off to him?”<br/>He received a punch in his guts. “Jerk don't put me on the same level as you!”<br/>Atsumu’s phone vibrated and he noticed it was Pali-chan. He opened the chat excitedly.</p><p>P: all right, let's meet at the dance.</p><p>Atsumu cheered, crushing Suna into a hug. “I'll meet her, I'll meet her!”<br/>“Good for you. You gain points when you’re all dressed up. What will you dress up as?”<br/>“Prince.”<br/>“Oh, I'd say it’s perfect.” Suna smirked, winking.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi was taking out the trash from the bar, lighting a cigarette. He was really tired and couldn't wait to go home. Unfortunately, there were still three hours to go.<br/>He leaned against the wall, inhaling a mouthful of smoke.<br/>Besides, he had no choice.<br/>“Do you have a lighter?”<br/>Kiyoomi lifted his gaze, holding the cigarette between his lips. The man who spoke was a handsome boy, certainly a university student like him, but he looked like a sportsman. He wasn't exactly his type, and he was too tired to flirt that night.<br/>He handed him the lighter anyway, without speaking.<br/>Who knows if he liked men who did cross-dressing, it was common that someone left him in the lurch for that reason. Not that he had dated so many men, he was increasingly suspicious and rarely sought out for adventures.<br/>His brother had once told him that people shouldn't need love to be happy, that you should try first to be happy with yourself, and only then seek love; otherwise a relationship would have been extremely unbalanced and difficult to hold on to.<br/>Kiyoomi didn't call himself "unhappy", but he wasn't a portrait of joy either. Without his parents’ support, broke, with mixed feelings for his homophobic best friend… well, it could have been a bit better.<br/>However, even if he was happy, he doubted that he would seek love. Relationships weren't exactly something that appealed him, as long it was thinking about Atsumu from afar, that was fine, but getting involved with someone? No, he definitely didn't have the interest or the passion to try.<br/>“I saw you other times already, when do you usually work?”<br/>“Ask the others.”<br/>He smiled. “Come on, don't be difficult.”</p><p>“Every day except Monday.” He replied apathetically. He knew he had to be nice to customers, but it happened all too often that some frantic started showing up every day at the bar trying to monopolize him, making his job difficult.<br/>The guy walked over to him. “Is that under your shirt a bra?”<br/>Kiyoomi glared at him. He knew it was impossible that he had seen it.<br/>“You shouldn't eavesdrop other people's conversations.” He threw his cigarette and started to leave when he felt a hand on his ass.<br/>“I'm waiting for you to finish the shift. We could have fun, I'd do anything with you here.” And he touched the gap between his ass cheeks.<br/>Kiyoomi looked at him smugly. “I'm a top, don’t’ touch me dead fuck.”<br/>“H– How dare you? Is this how you treat a loyal customer?”<br/>“Affectionate? You’re kidding me?”<br/>He received a noteworthy slap and the guy left the place furious. Kiyoomi touched his cheek.<br/>Hysterical.<br/>The girls at least stopped slapping him for his cold or irreverent answers since he entered university, they had matured, but the same could not be said about guys apparently.<br/>He returned inside with a red cheek and a black mood.<br/>He should have accepted and then fuck that asshole well, teaching him to think before flirting with people in that pitiful way.<br/>“Kiyoomi-chan.” A feigned friendly voice behind him startled him. “Where is the dear customer who followed you out of the club?” Bokuto asked.<br/>The white skin almost made him look like a geisha.<br/>“How should I know?”<br/>Komori walked past him giggling. “Someone will be scolded by the boss again!” He exclaimed while serving a martini.</p><p> </p><p>The place where he worked was very chic, with a brass-colored counter, tapered stools, scattered tables and sofas. The disco music wasn't too loud, it gave people a chance to talk and hear each other. Someone danced on the small dance floor, but most of them were busy conversing at the tables, flirting, kissing.<br/>“Kiyoomi, you can't treat badly all customers who flirt with you.”<br/>“Customers will thank me for letting that loser escape.”<br/>Oikawa was laughing out loud.<br/>“Kiyoomi is so sour because he never gets laid. If you want, I'll take care of it.”<br/>“I would never sleep with someone who looks like a twink.<br/>Oikawa frowned. “What? How dare you?!”<br/>Bokuto calmed him down, offering him something to drink.<br/>“Kiyoomi, I’d hate to punish you for your big mouth, so be a good guy, and say sorry.”<br/>“Why do you all have to talk like we're in a gay porn?”<br/>On the other side of the counter, a customer smiled.<br/>“I'd do gay porn with you if I weren't engaged.”<br/>Kiyoomi’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He looked at Atsumu’s cheesy goodnight message for Pali-chan.<br/>A: Good night Pali-chan.<br/>I can’t wait to meet you.<br/>I wish I could know what your face is, so that I can dream about you.<br/>See you soon!</p><p>Kiyoomi thought about Atsumu burping, shamelessly scratching his crotch and living in a constant mess, who could have imagined he was so cheesy… Kiyoomi sighed.<br/>Atsumu expected his beloved princess to be immersed under the covers, with a sea of black curls surrounding her head, a polished book on the bedside table and a sulky expression on her face.<br/>Instead he was in a gay bar arguing with transsexuals about blowjobs and swallowing – conversation just started after Komori complainings<br/>Kiyoomi was sure if Atsumu was there he’d have died from a heart attack.<br/>“Kiyoomi is thinking again about the guy he likes, look at him, with that frown.” Komori chuckled.<br/>“I was thinking about something else.”<br/>“Why don't you bring him here?”<br/>“Because he would be disgusted.”<br/>“Mph, maybe, but he would certainly agree with me that a no-swallow blowjob is not a blowjob.”<br/>Kiyoomi sighed in exasperation.<br/><em>I wonder what face he would make.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Reply to emails? Do I have the faculty for such a task, professor?”<br/>Washio looked at him stiffly. “I'm giving it to you now, wake up, are you still sleeping?”<br/>Kiyoomi looked at the disproportionate amount of e-mails. “Some require his opinion, about exams and– “<br/>Washio interrupted him. “Take care of it. Shirabu and Gin will help you.”<br/><em>Yeah, sure</em><br/>When Washio left the studio, the two in question stood up, stretching.<br/>“We're going to smoke, have fun.”<br/>Kiyoomi looked at them haughtily. “You’d have just slowed me down, incompetents...”<br/>“You should hold back your mouth, you don't want to have to do our job too, do you?”<br/>Sakusa swallowed his pride, knowing that he didn’t physically have the time to take care of their duties, and on the other hand those two were blackmailing him.<br/>“Why don't you bring us a coffee before starting?”</p><p>He opened his mouth to spit out an apocalyptic insult, but Shirabu showed him the image on his phone: there was Kiyoomi intent on kissing a sleeping Atsumu.<br/><em>It's Atsumu’s fault, even if he doesn't know it.</em><br/>It had been a single damned moment of weakness, only one in his entire life, and he was paying for it.<br/>He went to get them some coffee, gritting his teeth. The role of Washio’s assistant was too important for him, he desperately needed the highest grades, the university fees paid and the minimum number of problems.<br/>Since his father stopped giving him money, everything had collapsed.<br/>Obviously Atsumu didn't know any of this, because then he would have to explain to him that his father had cut him off because of his homosexuality, and it wouldn't have been a pleasant conversation.<br/>He just had to finish answering e-mails, then he would study and finally go to work. And the next day it would start all over again.<br/>The line for the coffee was endless and he ran a hand over his face. He looked at his phone, reading Atsumu’s latest message to Pali-chan.<br/>A: I know you're a nerd, but don't get too tired in the morning. Is that professor still enslaving you?</p><p>Atsumu was convinced that Pali-chan was a broke girl, which itself was true; Kiyoomi was currently poor, extremely poor.<br/>P: the usual. I need to respond to emails.<br/>A: and the other assistants? Always assholes?<br/>P: I'm bringing them coffee.<br/>A: why do you get treated like this? If you’d tell me who they are, I'd teach them a lesson.<br/>P: I don't need your help, it's just a matter of putting up with it, it's not like their childish teasing bother me.</p><p>When Atsumu was angry he wrote fast and made a lot of mistakes. He could imagine him, all fervent typing furiously.<br/>He balanced the two coffees, putting his phone away. Last time Shirabu spilled it on him, so this time he immediately left them on their desks without a word, returning to his station.<br/>“Thanks, dear.”<br/>“Fuck you.”<br/>He looked at the phone, where Atsumu had written a poem.<br/><em>Oh god.</em><br/>A: I know you don't need my help, you are a strong person, but I still wish I could do something for you. It's ridiculous that none of your friends help you. In any case, don't get tired, really, you fainted a while ago, right? And you struggle with this rhythm, I mean how can u follow the lessons? I would like so much to help u. Don’t make me worried and remember that if the situation becomes too heavy and unmanageable, I am your lifeline, tell me when and where, and I will come to help you.</p><p>Kiyoomi threw his head back, sighing. He didn’t know what to answer when faced with certain statements.<br/>If Atsumu had really known the truth, what would he have done? He tried to picture his face, but it was too scary to think about it. He couldn't help but tell him through chat about the problems that plagued him – he didn’t have the courage to tell him face to face.<br/>He had collapsed from exhaustion a few nights before, on his way home, and even though he had felt very pathetic, he had wanted to write it to him. His attention made him feel less alone, and it was nice to read his worries, even if they were just messages on a chat. They gave him a sense of warmth.</p><p>When he thought about certain things, he wanted to break something or get drunk. Tsumu could only care about a woman, maybe a short girl, with black hair, a round and adorable face, with the right curves to fill a bra.<br/>Kiyoomi was the opposite, tall, muscular, with smooth and sharp features, with protruding shoulder blades and certainly no curves, his body was angular. Well, he wore women's underwear though.<br/>He imagined Atsumu’s expression seeing him in lingerie and preferred to laugh about it.<br/><em>Let's focus on emails.</em><br/>He cracked his fingers, starting to type.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu realized Pali-chan wasn’t going to answer him for a while. He sighed, watching his father arguing on the phone.<br/>P: It's not like if I don't answer for three seconds, you have to start freaking out.<br/>A: Sorry ... I should be more mysterious actually.<br/>P: If I had a vague idea on how to send emoticons, I'd send you an exasperated one.</p><p>Atsumu laughed, Pali-chan didn't seem too keen on chatting, but he understood she was a rather lonely person, maybe she didn't have many friends.</p><p>A: anyway really, if I text u too many times tell me, unfortunately I'm a euphoric type and I don't realize it.<br/>P: If you bother me, I’d tell you. I don't think I've ever kept quiet about what bothered me.</p><p>Atsumu sighed happily, smiling like a fool. He couldn't wait to meet this girl.</p><p>A: sometimes I get paranoid. You are the first person for whom I have tried something serious after the last disappointment.</p><p>Maybe he should have slowed down, but it just didn’t feel like him.<br/>P: the latest disappointment? someone broke your heart?</p><p>Atsumu looked at his phone, sighing. He couldn't tell her that his best friend had broken his heart.</p><p>A: sort of. I had a big crush, I couldn't think of anyone else. I couldn't tell anyone, and it lasted for years. When I finally kissed her, she told me I was disgusting. Yeah I know I’m kinda pathetic</p><p>Just writing it hurt him, despite trying to play it cool. Remembering how Kiyoomi threw up right after and how he dodged him with all the strength he had.<br/>He must have been deeply nauseated by his behavior, and Atsumu was truly grateful to him for forgetting everything and ignoring it. At least he still had his best friend.<br/>Pali-chan was taking a long time to respond this time. Did he scare her?</p><p>P: a person like this deserves nothing from you. She could have avoided giving you hopes. Anyway, it happens to everyone, maybe you had stinking breath.</p><p>Atsumu blushed and pouted.</p><p>A: I didn't! You are terrible!<br/>P: it's easy to get you embarrassed, someone created mints, you know? You can’t kiss me with the taste of onigiri in your mouth, I hate onigiri.</p><p>Atsumu giggled.</p><p>A: one more reason to kiss you after a course of onigiris.<br/>P: do it, and I'll make you spit rice for the rest of your life<br/>A: you are so cute when you say certain terrible threats.<br/>P: “cute”, you've never seen me. So, how do I kiss you like that?<br/>Atsumu began to move his leg up and down quickly. Just knowing she wanted to kiss him was thrilling.</p><p>A: you put your lips on mine, hug me and then let me do it.<br/>P: no way I’m leaving it to you. You kiss me, and I'll do the rest ...</p><p>Atsumu guessed long ago that Pali-chan had some experience, but it didn't bother him in any way. He too had his experiences, they were in the past though and didn't matter.</p><p>A: I wish I could have u here, next to me.<br/>P: what would you do?</p><p>Atsumu hesitated, wondering if he could try to answer her truthfully.</p><p>A: I would kiss you ...<br/>P: uhm, and then what?<br/>A: I would kiss your neck, on the side, to nibble it.<br/>P: I'm sensitive on the neck ...<br/>A: really?<br/>P: what else?</p><p>It was better not to mention the boobs right away. Tits were always a sore point for a lot of girls, maybe she didn't like hers, it was better to stay vague.</p><p>A: I would put my hand under your shirt, brushing your skin, you told me once u r pale, right?<br/>P: yes ...<br/>A: it would be nice to redden it with my lips.<br/>P: when do you get to my bra?</p><p>Atsumu was amazed that she was the one to mention it.<br/>Was it possible… she was touching herself while texting?<br/>He needed to catch his breath, because he was getting aroused too – in his father's library.<br/>He got up and went to the bathroom with an excuse, sitting on the toilet.</p><p>A: impatient?<br/>P: no. what if I would be the one to continue? I really think my hand would slide down on your crotch.</p><p>Atsumu unzipped his pants, slipping a hand into his boxers to palm himself. He shouldn't have jerk off to such a thing, it was dirty and wrong, Pali-chan certainly didn't expect that from him.</p><p>A: and then?<br/>P: impatient?<br/>A: yes.<br/>P: mhh, I’d rub my hand a little on the fabric, unfasten the button and gently slip into your boxers. I don’t ask you if you have a big one, you’ll say yes anyway.</p><p>Atsumu bursted out a laugh.</p><p>P: you could you send me a picture, you know?</p><p>Atsumu was instantly paralyzed. He swallowed, panicking.</p><p>P: I was joking, relax. Anyway, I'd touch you down there. You said you are blond, right? I wonder if you're blond there too, I'd like to play with those golden strands.</p><p>Atsumu grabbed his shaft shamelessly.</p><p>P: what r u doing? Jerking off?<br/>A: maybe. And you?<br/>A: maybe.</p><p>At that answer he came, panting.</p><p>A: Pali-chan ... I can't wait to meet you.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi looked down at his own hand covered in cum. He took the toilet paper and cleaned himself, cursing.<br/>What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he start an erotic conversation with the asshole?<br/>Did Atsumu really jerked off for what he had written to him?<br/><em>I can’t do it.</em><br/>It was too much, too much for his self-control. He even asked for a dick pic.<br/>He really was a shitty friend, a bastard traitor. He had some serious mental problem, maybe he was like a stalker. This was beyond revenge, he could no longer justify himself so easily.<br/>He was completely deceiving him. Atsumu jerked off on a woman, not on him.</p><p>He decided to study, setting his phone aside, but first he checked the package that had arrived.<br/>He had found a horrible bikini on the internet, something hideous, and yet he had bought it.<br/>He pulled it out of the box, staring at it. It was military green and had onigiris painted on it. It wasn't an underwear suit, but a bathing suit. He didn't even know why he had bought it in the first place.<br/>He undressed, wearing it and tied the thong ties around his waist, and then the ones on his shoulders and back. He looked at himself, tilting his head.<br/>He was aware that anyone else would find it grotesque, but there was nothing he could do against it. He felt handsome, sexy, with those panties that barely contained his penis, and the colorful bra that stood out against his white skin.<br/>He took it off, while an evil idea made its way into his head. He grabbed the thong and took a picture of it, then sent it to Atsumu.<br/>P: I'll wear this at the prom, under the mask. Who knows if you will be lucky enough to see it.</p><p>He grinned when he saw the other type.</p><p>A: yer killing me. Now I'll never be able to wait until prom. You are the woman of my life.</p><p>Kiyoomi found himself laughing, trying not to think about the consequences.</p><p>Shortly after, he received an unpleasant message from Shirabu.</p><p>S: Washio sent you some e-mails, check them and take care of them, we will send you ours too.</p><p>He let out a tired sigh and went to get the computer, swearing loudly.<br/>He swore he’d get back at him.</p><p>There was so much stuff to read, even important e-mails from the rector. He bit his lip, humiliated and furious, but began to work.<br/>He had no choice. Washio allowed him to have the highest marks and therefore the damn taxes paid.<br/>By eleven in the evening he was so exhausted that his eyes closed, and he hadn't even managed to study.</p><p>He got up, put on a sweatshirt and went out, deciding to walk to Atsumu’s apartment. He would take the opportunity to buy something on his way, his fridge was almost empty.<br/>He needed to… see him. It was foolish of him to look for him in those moments of debasement, especially since Atsumu had no idea of Kiyoomi’s dire situation.<br/>He lit a cigarette, sinking his face into the collar of his jacket. He had only a spare evening, and where did he go? To that racist idiot of his best friend.<br/>The apartment Atsumu shared with Suna was located in a small area. The various entrances to the apartments were located above the platform.<br/>He rang the doorbell. He’d already sent him a message, but he probably hadn't read it.<br/>Atsumu opened the door, wearing worn sweatshirt and sweatpants. He was disheveled and barefoot. He had a camera in his hand.<br/>“Kiyoomi! What are you doing here?!” He asked excitedly.<br/>He showed him the groceries. “I went out to buy some things, I thought I'd drop by and ask you for my charger.”<br/>It was a shitty excuse, but it was ok.<br/>Atsumu seemed to remember. “Oh right. I'll take it.” He looked over his shoulder, as if he was afraid of something. “I'll walk you home. You… can wait here.”</p><p>Sakusa didn't say anything, he just gave his tacit assent. He knew Atsumu would propose it.</p><p>They walked away a few minutes later, Atsumu was wearing a jacket, and he was yawning.<br/>“When will you stop smoking?”<br/>“When are you going to stop eating onigiri?”<br/>“Those are two completely different things.”<br/>Kiyoomi rolled his eyes. “How's it going with your mysterious girlfriend?”<br/>“It’s good, I think.” He stopped for a moment, sighing. “I don't want to talk about her now. I'm a little worried about you, you've always been spooky and misanthropic, but lately you really look like a ghost. You fall asleep during classes, you have dark circles, you are stressed ...”<br/>Sakusa interrupted him idly. “I'm fine.”<br/>“You can tell me if there is something wrong, maybe I can help you. Could it be that you have a crush on someone?”<br/>Kiyoomi winced. “What are you babbling about?”<br/>“Yeah, you seem to feel bad for someone.”<br/>“I only feel bad for that last braincell you have.”<br/>And it wasn't even a lie.<br/>Atsumu sighed in annoyance. “As you please, stupid.”<br/>The other peered at him out of the corner of his eye.<br/>“What about you? I don't think I've ever seen you so much into a girl before. Have you ever had a crush on someone? I mean a serious one.”<br/>Atsumu seemed taken aback by that question. He turned to look at him, as if expecting him to say more “Yes, I already told you.” he murmured, and his voice sounded hesitant.<br/>Kiyoomi paused for a moment, perplexed. Did Atsumu already told him about it? When? He didn't remember at all.<br/>“That’s not true, I didn't know anything about it. Who was it?”<br/>“It’s not important.”<br/>“Do I know her?”<br/>Atsumu sighed in exasperation. “Just forget about it, I won't tell you who she is.”<br/>Kiyoomi didn't understand his sudden reticence.<br/>But he avoided insisting on that point, perhaps he would be able to obtain the name as Pali-chan.<br/>They started walking again.<br/>“Why it didn’t work out?”<br/>Those hazel eyes were probing and examining him, he didn't understand the reason for that intense gaze.<br/>“She told me I was disgusting, she pushed me back with all her might, as if I were attacking her and she even threw up.”<br/>Kiyoomi blinked. “Got it.”<br/>“You seriously don't remember it?”<br/>“I told you, you never told me about it.”<br/>Atsumu nodded, but he didn’t seem too satisfied with that answer. “Anyway, that was my fault. I shouldn't have said anything.”<br/>Kiyoomi wondered who this idiot was, he wondered why she treated Atsumu that way. He had his faults, it's true, but his merits were far more important, and if even him said so, it had to be true.<br/>“Did this person make you feel so bad? I didn’t even notice.”<br/>Atsumu had such a bitter expression on his face, that Kiyoomi realized how different this crush was from all the others. He wasn't lying, he really suffered a lot for a mysterious woman from the past.<br/>How is it possible that I haven’t noticed? And why didn't he ever tell me about it?<br/>“I knew I had no chance, there were abysmal obstacles. And when I told her I loved her, she replied that I was disgusting. I think I was the last person on the planet from whom she wanted to receive a confession, and she wasn’t totally wrong.”<br/>Kiyoomi kicked him, almost knocking him over.<br/>“Hey!” Atsumu protested.<br/>“You are disgusting in almost everything you do, from eating to burping. But to receive your confession ... there is nothing disgusting about this, there is nothing disgusting about the feelings you felt for this girl, so stop raving”<br/>Atsumu eyes widened. Kiyoomi regretted talking like that and looked away.<br/>“Let's hurry up, I'm sleepy.”<br/>“How ungrateful, I’m just being kind to walk you home.”<br/>Sakusa waved his hand nonchalantly. “I didn't ask you, remember?”<br/>Atsumu rubbed his eyes. “Every now and then I want to choke you.”<br/>“I thought that was my line.” He saw Atsumu surpass him. “Hey, slow down, wait for me! Asshole!”</p><p> </p><p>The prom day arrived. Kiyoomi had bought small devil horns and fake canines, Komori gave him some disposable red contact lenses. Unfortunately, Washio had set him up with extra duties and he had to stay at university all day; he had taken a break just to go home to change. At least Bokuto was kind enough to give him an evening off. Kiyoomi was finishing correcting freshmen's waivers.</p><p>Shirabu and Gin crossed the threshold of the studio, cheeky.<br/>They were already half drunk, elegantly dressed and ready to go to the prom. Kiyoomi took a deep breath, trying to avoid them.<br/>“Gin look how elegant Kiyoomi is! Do you think he wants to go to the prom? The guy sat down on the desk. “Picking up some handsome guy to get fucked good.”<br/>“I'm finishing a job for Washio, could you leave me alone?”<br/>“Ugh, sure your majesty. Who are you aiming for tonight? In my opinion Shirabu would gladly fuck you.”<br/>“How disgusting.” - replied the latter – “I would never fuck a man.”<br/>Kiyoomi glared at them with contempt.<br/>“He would be the one getting fucked, I'm a top.” Shirabu made a disgusted expression, while Gin laughed. “Maybe tonight you’ll be lucky.” he touched Kiyoomi’s suit.<br/>“This suit has aged badly, Kiyo. How come Sakusa’s heir doesn't even have money for an evening dress? You could at least get paid by the men you bang.”<br/>Kiyoomi sighed. Their hatred was understandable. When he first arrived at university, his father still paid all the bills and he was snobbish and haughty. He'd treated those two guys like bugs, and now they were getting it back at him.<br/>“I'm busy, find somebody else to harass tonight.”<br/>“You're being too tempered tonight, dear” - Gin said – “Maybe you should cool down for a moment.”<br/>Before he knew it, Gin spilled his beer on Kiyoomi’s head. He jumped away, to avoid wetting the tests, and looked at his soaked jacket with a shocked expression.<br/>“Here, much better, you should come with a woman's dress, you like being a woman in your life, don’t you?”<br/>The two left and Kiyoomi strode to the bathroom. His hair was dripping around.<br/>The bathrooms were deserted at that time of the day; everyone was about to go to that party.<br/>He rinsed his face and took off his wet jacket, remaining in his shirt. He didn't have another elegant suit, he didn't have a way to get there on time other than the subway, and in any case, he could only stay until midnight because then it closed.<br/>Not that he ever cared about going to that stupid party, after all he wasn't Pali-chan. Atsumu was waiting for her, not for Kiyoomi.<br/>I'm going home to read a book tonight. Maybe while drinking.<br/>At that moment his phone rang. It was a call from Atsumu.<br/>“What?”<br/>“Kiyoomi where are you? You said you'd come early to keep me company. I am nervous”<br/>He leaned against the sink. “I can't come, I've got a lot of trouble at work.”<br/>He heard an endless pause. “Kiyoomi you can't abandon me right now. I'll talk to your boss, I'll explain the situation!”<br/>“Never mind. Have a good time.”<br/>“I can’t enjoy it if you're not here.”<br/>Kiyoomi winced slightly, narrowing his eyes. “Pali-chan will be there, so you don't need me. See you tomorrow.”<br/>“Yes, I need you! I need your support. You're such a bastard, you can't abandon people like that. Tsk, see you tomorrow.”<br/>Atsumu would have been doubly disappointed. Maybe he should have created an excuse for Pali-chan too.<br/>He returned to his dorm, mulling over the whole horrible situation.<br/>If only he'd never got a crush on Atsumu, if only he fell for any other person in the world.<br/>The classic nocturnal noises filled the area where he lived, some distant voices, a dog barking and cars speeding along the street.<br/>He stopped, noticing a family car in front of his building. It had to be a coincidence, a lot of people had that car.<br/>He went home and stopped at the entrance, shocked.<br/>“Hello itoko.” Komori smiled from the corridor, holding a cup of tea in his hands. “You came back just in time. You forgot your lenses.”<br/>He was barefoot, and he had a tired expression.<br/>“Motoya, what are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?”<br/>“Because I know you wouldn’t let me.”<br/>Kiyoomi took off his shoes and jacket, entering the small kitchen which was separated from the living room only by a counter.<br/>“Yeah ok thank you, but why did you bring the lenses?”<br/>“Isn't there that party tonight?”<br/>“I'm not going, I don't care.”<br/>Komori tilted his face. “Then why are you dressed like that?”<br/>He shrugged. “Look, I can't go there anyway. The only elegant dress I had got ruined. Thank you for stopping by, have you already had dinner? I'll make you something.”<br/>“Kiyoomi you’re wrecked, is everything okay?</p><p>“Yes, now go.”<br/>He immediately regretted being so rude, but it had been an endless day and he was really tired.<br/>Komori smiled.<br/>“Come on, I have something for you.”<br/>Kiyoomi reluctantly followed his cousin into the bedroom.<br/>Komori showed him an evening dress protected by transparent plastic.<br/>Kiyoomi was shocked. “What the h– “<br/>“You don't have your own dress, it seemed right to me to let you have one.”<br/>“What does this mean, have you talked to my brother?”<br/>“Jeez, Kyoomi relax. It's a gift, so you don’t have any more excuses not to go. “<br/>“I won't make in time anyway. The metro closes at half past midnight, so if I go now, I couldn’t stay much.”<br/>“Do you think I would let you on the subway with an Armani suit?” Komori then handed him a pair of keys. “Here, it’s yours tonight, treat it well.”<br/>“Why are you doing this?”<br/>“Because I am worried about you. You are always tired at work. Your fridge is empty, full of energy drinks, and it doesn't look like you're eating well.”<br/>“I don’t need a baby sitter.”<br/>“I know, I’m just being a lovely cousin, now go.”</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu was taking pictures around impatiently.<br/>The ballroom of that villa was huge; it was an old western style mansion that was used for public events. After the antechamber, a staircase opened onto the huge ballroom. At the bottom, two other circular stairways led to the balconies. The open bar had been set up at the back, and the bathrooms had been divided for men and women. A DJ took care of the music from the stage, alternating more vintage songs with modern ones…<br/>The girls kept asking him to dance, but besides the fact that he had to take care of the photos, he didn't want Pali-chan to arrive while he was dancing with someone else.<br/>He was dressed like a prince, but he looked like a jerk. The white tights really bothered him, he had this blue French soldier's jacket, a scarf around his neck, white gloves, high black boots, and a thin crown.<br/>He looked at the costumes around, wondering what Pali-chan would dress up as.<br/>She hadn't revealed him anything, except for that exciting thong.<br/>If only Omi had been with him, he would have felt less alone. He couldn't believe he really dumped him.<br/>Suddenly he heard a strange silence.</p><p>The music continued undaunted, but many girls were watching the entrance. He turned, meeting Kiyoomi’s red eyes.<br/>He really came in the end.<br/>He had a stunning all-black suit, he looked like a kind of tempting demon, a black pearl. The curly raven hair had been pulled back with gel, baring the pale forehead, and two small red horns stuck out on top.<br/>“Is that Sakusa Kiyoomi?” A girl whispered to her friend.<br/>“Apparently, I thought he was too snobbish for this kind of thing...”<br/>The appreciative comments bothered Atsumu who just wanted to wrap Omi in one of the heavy red curtains to hide him somewhere.<br/>He went to meet him, dodging the girls who stopped him. He had contact lenses, and his blood-red irises were giving him shivers.<br/>Kiyoomi noticed two hazel eyes were spasmodically focused on him. Atsumu was waving at him as he approached him.<br/>“Omi ...” he murmured in amazement.<br/>He looked embarrassed.<br/>“Yes?”<br/>"You're late." he muttered, avoiding looking at him.<br/>Atsumu had his camera around his neck, he probably had to be the photographer of the party.<br/>He was also wearing an elegant suit and it looked amazing on him.<br/>Kiyoomi imagined tearing off his jacket, slipping his hands under the shirt, until he reached his nipples. Then he would take off his pants and...<br/>“I thought you wouldn't come.” Atsumu said.<br/>“Yeah, me too.” he replied, showing the small fake canines.<br/>The blond stared at him closely, studying him.<br/>“Wow, how detailed! Are you a devil?”<br/>“Only for tonight.” He smiled bewitching.<br/>Atsumu tried not to melt. “Just for tonight? You are a devil every day.”<br/>Kiyoomi felt several eyes on him. Black was really his color.<br/>He had pulled his hair back and was wearing a red shirt.<br/>Usually he didn't wear thongs when he went out with other people, except at the club, despite all he preferred the comfort of boxers and briefs, he preferred to put on just a bra.<br/>He made an exception tough, he was wearing the famous bikini with the onigiris, even if it was really itchy.</p><p>“Can I take a picture?” Atsumu asked timidly.<br/>Kiyoomi raised an eyebrow. “Is it really necessary?”<br/>“Just one, come on, today you look so good, you're damn cool.”<br/>Kiyoomi tried not to appear too flattered and nodded. He hated posing for photos, he became woody and stiff. A passing girl decided to join the photo, placing an arm around Sakusa’s waist and smiling.<br/>Atsumu looked slightly irritated but said nothing and took the picture.<br/>“Do you want to see it?”<br/>Kiyoomi shook his head.<br/>“Pali-chan?”<br/>He saw Atsumu saddening. “She didn't write me anything. She dumped me.” - he murmured, with a sad smile – “I don't know why I expected anything else.”<br/>Kiyoomi tried to ignore the sense of guilt.<br/>“Maybe she'll show up.”<br/>“Maybe - he tried to say, without really believing it. “That’s okay. We'll just drink on it” - he muttered bored. – “I'm super nervous, I wish I had your irritating calm.”<br/>Atsumu checked himself in the phone screen, trying to adjust his blond locks. Kiyoomi was examining him carefully, concentrated.<br/>All that preparation for a girl who didn't even exist. How would he react to finding that Pali-chan was standing right next to him?<br/>“Let me fix that scarf.”<br/>He put his hands around Atsumu’s neck.<br/>The latter tensed for a moment.<br/>“Thank you, my father was super busy.”<br/>He could smell Atsumu’s shampoo in his blond hair, and the cologne, a heady scent on his tanned neck. He would have liked to bite it and leave a mark.</p><p>The people around them vanished, neither of them noticed.<br/>“Now you look almost like a prince.” he teased him, giving him back the camera “An idiot prince.”<br/>“Asshole, at least I came with someone tonight! Theoretically…”<br/>“If I wanted to go with someone, I would’ve.”<br/>They looked at the dance floor, where dozens of couples had formed. The couples swayed slowly to cheesy notes.<br/>Atsumu wondered what it would be like to slow dance with Kiyoomi. The image was so grotesque that it prevented him from thinking about it further. Sometimes he had ridiculous ideas.<br/>As if they could ever dance normally among people, two <em>males</em>.<br/>Who would lead? Kiyoomi or him? Should he cling onto Kiyoomi’s neck <em>like a</em> <em>woman</em>?<br/>He narrowed his eyes and tried to focus on Pali-chan. He hadn't checked his phone yet, but finally gave in and look at it.<br/>He was again disappointed.<br/>“Would you like to dance?”<br/>He winced hearing that question from Kiyoomi. He looked at him with those red eyes, even more inscrutable and cruel than usual<br/>The melody continued, creating a truly awkward situation.<br/>Kiyoomi burst out looking at his frozen expression.<br/>“Relax, I was kidding.”<br/>Atsumu was so annoyed. “Don't ask me certain fagot things.”<br/>Kiyoomi’s smile disappeared, but he didn't say anything.<br/>“I'm going to get something to drink, see you later.”</p><p>He watched him go, wondering what the hell was wrong with him.<br/>At that moment his phone vibrated, making him flinch.</p><p>P: not bad this party.</p><p>Atsumu swelled with happiness.</p><p>A: I thought you weren't coming.<br/>P: I came, but I don't want to be found.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi stood at the open bar, sipping on a glass of whiskey, even though he didn’t like to drink.<br/><em>That bastard. To think I was almost pitying him.</em><br/>He looked at his phone.<br/>Atsumu deserved that, he deserved to be hurt.<br/>He was so keen on hurting others by talking nonsense, he should have supported Kiyoomi more than anyone else...<br/>He took another sip, bitter.</p><p>A: what do you mean you don't want to be found? We are playing?</p><p>Kiyoomi didn't answer, finishing his glass and deciding not to text him again. He spent the rest of the evening avoiding Atsumu.<br/>He saw Atsumu spinning around the room a couple of times, glancing nervously at the girls, then staring at his phone deeply disappointed.<br/><em>Serves him right.</em><br/>The thong was killing him, so he went to a room to fix it.<br/>It was a small and dusty studio with an open balcony.<br/>He sat on the chair, listening to the muffled sound of music outside the door.<br/>He finally checked his phone, seeing Atsumu’s messages to Pali-chan.</p><p>A: tell me where you are.<br/>Please.<br/>You don't know how long I've waited to meet you.<br/>Please don't do this to me.<br/>I really, really like you.</p><p>He couldn't believe he felt guilty. Atsumu was an asshole, he should have shown respect.<br/>He took his phone, looking at the chat to read with disappointment the last message Atsumu sent him.<br/>A: please tell me where you are. I really want to meet you, I know I won't be disappointed.</p><p>That sentence made Kiyoomi laugh in a cruel and humorless way.<br/><em>"I will not be disappointed", poor idiot.</em><br/>Kiyoomi could imagine his horrified, betrayed, shocked expression.<br/>He gritted his teeth and tried to fix the thong that was killing him, pulling the strap out of his pants. He then he made up his mind to answer.</p><p>P: I'm not who you think I am, you are really too naive, Atsumu. Trust me, you would be disappointed.</p><p>A: it won't happen, I know. You got me with a few words, I know I'm strange, but I already know somehow that I will like you a lot.<br/>P: you say it now ...<br/>A: don't worry about this bullshit! Answer my question: do you like me, do you care?</p><p>Kiyoomi hated those direct questions of his, they dismantled any possible strategy. He fidgeted in his chair, nervous.</p><p>P: yes ...<br/>A: then I don't need to know anything else. Tell me where you are.</p><p>Kiyoomi looked at those messages and sighed loudly.</p><p>How could he be such an idiot?<br/>He didn’t intend to play that joke too long, but now he knew for sure that Atsumu was going to be really upset about it.<br/>He should have stopped answering him earlier, or at least turned down that prom bullshit.<br/>He tried to get up and noticed that the thong strap stuck in the chair.<br/>He tried to untie it when he heard a song he had never heard coming from his phone.<br/>He realized Atsumu had just sent him a love song in chat.<br/>“What is this song? Hey, there is a phone ringing in the room!” - shouted a voice outside the door.<br/>Kiyoomi wanted to die.<br/>He heard footsteps approaching the door, and he remembered he hadn't locked it.<br/>“Where?” Atsumu clear loud voice replied.<br/>He tugged on the lace and the thong loosened, clinging on the armchair.<br/><em>Oh shit.</em><br/>He looked around panicked and spotted the open balcony, climbing onto the railing.<br/>It wasn’t wasn't too tall, and after a deep breath he lunged downstairs.<br/>He landed on the bushes softly, filled with scratches from the twigs. He hoped with all his heart he hadn't ruined the dress.<br/>He left as quickly as possible, cursing himself and his brilliant ideas.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A sneak peek on Atsumu and Kiyoomi's character study.<br/>Lots of pining and angst.<br/>They'll be good eventually.</p><p>Also Suna and Oikawa best wingmen, aka the only one who understood everything.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kiyoomi was in the library trying to study but he couldn't concentrate.<br/>
He had long ago learned that every man touches his lowest moment at some point in his life.<br/>
He was convinced that already happened when his father found out about his homosexuality, but he had been naive to underestimate fate.<br/>
Now he had finally reached the lowest moment of his life, he had just dug to get there, he couldn't wait to humble himself.<br/>
He thought again and again of that thong lost at a public party and his only current wish was to die.<br/>
<em>I'm the idiot here.</em></p><p><br/>
He had to calm down. They had no way of knowing it was his, they would attribute it to a woman for sure, so nothing to worry about. Kiyoomi just had to ignore it, and he was really good at covering up.<br/>
He tried to read but the words kept spinning in front of his eyes, mingling in confusion. He realized he was panicking.<br/>
Atsumu sat down beside him at the table.<br/>
“Good morning Kiyoomi-kun!” He exclaimed, startling him.<br/>
He was wearing his usual worn out black sweatshirt, the laces nibbled, and the writing faded. He seemed in an oddly good mood.</p><p> </p><p>After the dance Kiyoomi hadn't heard him neither he texted him as Pali-chan.<br/>
“We are in a library, could you lower your voice?”<br/>
But the blonde was too high to mind those cold words.<br/>
“I have to show you something.”<br/>
He fumbled in his backpack and placed the thong Kiyoomi had lost at the prom on the table.<br/>
Kiyoomi looked at him impassively for ten seconds, then begged some god to drop a bookcase on him and send him temporarily into a coma, or make him lose his memory, or maybe make Atsumu lose his.<br/>
<em>This is the moment in my life when I change my name, city and leave everything behind</em>.<br/>
No, after all the exams he had taken, there was no reason in the world that would have made him leave university.<br/>
“Pali-chan left them in a room, she must have done it on purpose.”<br/>
Kiyoomi sighed in relief when he realized that Atsumu still hadn't understood anything, but he returned to gloom at hearing the last sentence.<br/>
“What?”<br/>
Atsumu played with it, caressing it. Kiyoomi was ashamed to feel that thrill of excitement looking at his best friend's fingertips brush the fabric that had been on him.</p><p>
  <em>I'm really a shitty friend.</em>
</p><p><br/>
“This thong is hers, she sent me a picture before the dance. She must have left it there for me so that I could find her. C’mon look at these panties, they’re tight, I think she’s skinny.”<br/>
“Maybe she has a narrow pelvis, but that doesn't mean she's not muscled.” Kiyoomi he muttered, stung by that consideration.<br/>
Atsumu didn’t understand that offended tone.<br/>
“I wouldn’t mind, I don’t care about her physical appearance, I like her anyway.”<br/>
Kiyoomi stared at his book insistently, but he already reread the same sentence ten times.<br/>
“A thong with onigiri, she is my soul mate.”</p><p><br/>
<em>You think it now.</em>
</p><p><br/>
“I have to find her.”<br/>
Kiyoomi rubbed his eyes, then raised his face in an angry expression.<br/>
“I'm trying to study, Atsumu. I'm glad for you, but we're putting off this conversation until tomorrow.”<br/>
Atsumu took the book from him.<br/>
“As my best friend, you have to help me. Especially after how you suddenly disappeared at the prom! What's wrong with you? You arrive, make your fucking entrance stealing all the attention, and then poof! You evaporate. If you had been with me, maybe we would have been able to find her! Did ya hook up with some girl?”<br/>
Kiyoomi tried to get the book back, kicking Atsumu under the table.<br/>
“None of your business. What should I do, anyway? You fell in love with a thong!”<br/>
The friend shook his head.<br/>
“It's a thong with onigiri of Pali-chan. It belongs to my soul mate, I know it. And you will help me find her.”<br/>
That conversation was giving Kiyoomi a huge headache.</p><p>“First: it's the worst idea I’ve listened to, I honestly don't care about your soul mate, I just want to study. Second: How the hell are you going to find the owner of those underpants? It could be anyone, and it could even slap you for stealing her underwear. Damn it, you never study?”<br/>
Atsumu interrupted him by raising his forefinger.<br/>
“Study doesn't stand a chance against love. Kiyoomi-kun, do I have to explain everything? You really know little about women. It is evident that these panties have a matching bra.”<br/>
“You searched it up on the internet.”<br/>
“Yes, I did - he nodded pretending to maintain a dignity - so I just have to find the girl who has the bra of this thong.”</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi wanted to be electrocuted. He never thought he could create such panic. He had always been a genius, it was not possible that he had slipped into such a situation.<br/>
“Good. Best wishes in taking all the college girls to bed to find out which one will have your magic bra. Now - and he took the book back - let me study. I have to go to work in a few hours, so either you stay here quietly, or leave me alone.”<br/>
Atsumu was sulking.<br/>
“I'm not going to sleep with anyone but her, my heart is already hers”<br/>
“You haven't even seen him!”<br/>
“Him?”<br/>
“Ehm, her, you haven't even seen her!”<br/>
“I know, but I've been chatting to her all these days, and she was… I don't know, she wasn't particularly sweet or affectionate, yet she was so sharp and witty at the same time, and she was mischievous in a way… ah! She got me excited with only some texts. I really care about her life, I want to help her. She also knows so many things, her tastes for example. Do you know that she likes Russian writers like you do? I think you two would get along well!”</p><p>
  <em>I want to kill him with this book, cut his throat with paper.</em>
</p><p>“As I was saying, I will not sleep with anyone but her, and therefore to find her I’ll have to ask someone trustworthy for help. Like Rintaro.”<br/>
Kiyoomi ran a hand over his face.<br/>
“Atsumu… this soul mate thing is a bullshit. This is not how a relationship is built, I'm not an expert, but I believe that a relationship must be based on trust, attraction, esteem and– “</p><p>“Rin? I have to ask you a favor, can we meet as soon as possible while you're in college? At four? Perfect! Thank you very much - and he attacked – so what were you saying?”<br/>
Kiyoomi was getting up, picking up his book and notebook.<br/>
“I'm going home. You don't let me study.”<br/>
“Om– Kiyoomi wait!”<br/>
Atsumu grabbed Kiyoomi’s shirt a pinch under his bra, and he froze, immediately shaking off his hand.<br/>
“Don't touch me.”<br/>
Atsumu raised his arms.<br/>
“I'm sorry to annoy you with my nonsenses. But beyond this thong, I feel that I really like this person, I like her a lot.”<br/>
“You met her on the internet! It could be ... it could be a man!” he finally managed to say in a growl.<br/>
Atsumu lowered his eyes.<br/>
“An intelligent person like Pali-chan could never be a pervert.”<br/>
“So, if she were a man what would you do?”<br/>
“What are you coming up with…”<br/>
Kiyoomi crossed his arms, looking at him closely.<br/>
“Why are you so hostile to the idea that he could be a man? You often come up with similar comments - he allowed himself a cruel little smile - you won't be one of those deniers.”</p><p> </p><p>He saw the other's gaze turn blank. He was silent, motionless.<br/>
“If he were a man, I think I would throw up - he resumed, calmly, laughing - I think that if I ever find myself having sex with a man, I will know that my life is over and that my dignity is lost forever. You must have some shit going on to be able to do such a thing.”<br/>
Kiyoomi wanted to take his head and smash it against the edge of the table. He hadn’t felt so angry in a long time.<br/>
Yet he remained perfectly calm, his usual apathetic expression that perfectly hid every little emotion.<br/>
He felt his anger throb in his throat, and he imagined pushing Atsumu’s head to the floor, ignoring his protests and fucking him. Just to destroy that dignity he talked about so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Good luck, I hope you will find her.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned, walking away, somehow terrified by his last thoughts. He slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. He tore off his own shirt and bra, slipping it into his backpack.</p><p>
  <em>At least I can make you feel bad with all this Pali-chan bullshit.</em>
</p><p>It had taken years for him to overcome his disgust towards himself, but his total indifference helped him.<br/>
People's comments slipped over him, simply because he knew he was superior to them. It wasn’t his fault if he had a superiority complex, he had been raised like this, in a wealthy and high-ranking family, among expensive paintings, exhibitions, museums, private schools, classical music.<br/>
The image of his mother flashed in front of his eyes, one of the many times he had quarreled with his father. Their quarrels were always calm and composed, with a disarming coldness. His mother used to swear in French.<br/>
She was very different from his father, less pragmatic, with her mind in her studies.<br/>
“A dry bramble cannot be folded.”<br/>
Her mother told Kiyoomi once, it was an old Greek proverb.<br/>
Was that the reason why he liked to wear certain things? To get his father attention? For his mother? He couldn’t tell.</p><p> </p><p>He did not understand the pleasant feeling he felt putting certain underwear on. It was probably a reaction to his father strict control over his personality, his way of dressing. His clothes were mostly gray, black, dark blue or white. No flashy or bright colors.<br/>
It all started with his mother's clothes, when Kiyoomi wore them as a child, he was only seven years old and missed kaa-san, he liked to smell her.</p><p>After that episode his father threw away every dress of his wife, Kiyoomi no longer had the courage to even think about something like crossdressing until he was sixteen. His father had begun to become paranoid about it, suffocating Kiyoomi who, as a result, had minimized the colors of his clothing.<br/>
Even now it made him uncomfortable to wear clothes that were too flashy or notable.<br/>
Maybe it all started there, underwear allowed him to wear whatever he wanted, any color, without having to feel constantly looked at and judged.</p><p>
  <em>It is useless to question myself. That's what I am now, the reason is not relevant.</em>
</p><p>Was being accepted by Atsumu that important? No.<br/>
Kiyoomi was probably just another dry bramble. Maybe he was too proud to talk to Atsumu or maybe Atsumu was just too stupid respect Kiyoomi.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu was in the dark in the bathroom, a small red light illuminating his work. He moved the image in the bowl full of developer liquid, while the shot bloomed on the surface. Kiyoomi’s black hair emerged, his pale skin too.<br/>
He hadn't developed a roll in centuries. His camera was digital now.<br/>
He had kept that roll for two years, he never wanted to develop it, since there were the images of that disastrous New Year on it.</p><p>He was regretting going digital, immersing himself in a darkroom and doing that process was something unique. He relaxed and forgot about problems.<br/>
He took the image with pliers, passing it into the holding tray of chemicals. He turned to observe the others he had already developed, attached by clothespins to the drying rack.</p><p>Some of the photos were out of focus, Kiyoomi looked annoyed at the camera. He was wearing that soft black sweater, it was like Atsumu could still feel its texture under his fingers.</p><p>He decided those would be the last photos he developed of Kiyoomi. It was time to move on, and if he wanted to find Pali-chan, he’d have to put his all into it.</p><p>He passed the image into the third basin, the one with the fixing liquid. The smell of chemicals and detergent filled the bathroom, but he didn't mind at all.<br/>
There was a knock on the door.<br/>
“Atsumu you finised? I should take a shower in a while.”<br/>
“Sorry, I'm almost done.”<br/>
“Can I come in?”<br/>
“Yes, pay attention to the light.”<br/>
Suna opened the door a little bit and slipped into the bathroom. The red light on Atsumu’s face was almost creepy, but maybe it was because he looked a little down.<br/>
Suna leaned over to see Atsumu’s work.<br/>
“It has been some time since you did this, I missed watching you develop the photos like that. You know, you're cool when you dive into this job and get all focused.” He teased, fondly.<br/>
“It took me ages to figure out how the hell it was supposed to be done.”<br/>
“How come you are developing these photos now? They look like they are from old. “<br/>
And he turned to look at the hanging ones. Kiyoomi had slightly longer hair, and Atsumu still had an ear piercing, before a girl told him it was vulgar, forcing him to take it off.<br/>
“It’d be the same for Kiyoomi, you know? If he knew how you feel.”<br/>
“I don't feel anything for him anymore - he muttered defensively – I’m over it.”<br/>
“I see. That's why you've been developing his photos all afternoon.”<br/>
Atsumu made a face.<br/>
“That's my way of ending it.”<br/>
“On New Year's Eve he was blackout drunk... maybe he didn't even understand what was going on.”<br/>
Aysumu blinked. “But didn’t that proverb say “veritas vino””<br/>
“In vino veritas - he corrected him - but it doesn't mean anything. Maybe he was feeling sick and didn't want to throw up on you. He doesn't even remember that evening.”<br/>
“In any case, he wouldn't return me! Stop insisting, I finally found someone else.”<br/>
Suna crossed his arms, leaning against the washing machine.<br/>
“I wasn't saying you have to tell him, I'm just saying even if you had a crush on another male, Kiyoomi would support you. He loves you, even if he struggles to express it like other human beings.”<br/>
Atsumu extracted the image from the fixing liquid, hanging it by the clothespins. If only Kiyoomi hadn't been so sexy even in black and white. He looked like movie actor, with a cigarette between his lips, that mocking half smile and those very dark, illegible eyes.<br/>
“I just want to forget I thought such disgusting things about him...”<br/>
“There's nothing disgusting about getting a crush.”<br/>
Atsumu didn’t say anything. He was overwhelmed.</p><p> </p><p>What he had said to Kiyoomi that afternoon was not entirely false.<br/>
He hated the part of himself that felt certain feelings.<br/>
It must have been his parents' fault, with their fucking liberal talk, they put certain ideas and somehow infected him.<br/>
“I'm not gay.”<br/>
Suna blinked.<br/>
“Yeah, I know. But it remains the fact that you liked him that way, come on, I had to put up with the tales of your erotic dreams for a whole year.”<br/>
The other wasn't amused at all.<br/>
“Yes, but clearly that's abnormal. Maybe it's because some girl hurt me, an extreme reaction.”<br/>
“Why should it be abnormal? Now you are acting like an idiot. You crushed on a guy, you don't need to take it that badly, it happens to more people than you think.”<br/>
“I know, but that doesn't make it any less revolting. I mean, can you imagine me doing something like that? You can't tell me it looks normal to you. Maybe I should pick up a random guy and try…”<br/>
Suna tried to stop him but he took off his latex gloves and left the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi narrowed his eyelids. His face was fused with the pillow and his head and knees hurt terribly.<br/>
He sat up on the bed, devastated, looking around. He was still wearing his bra but except for that he was naked.<br/>
He turned and found a guy he had never seen before beside him.</p><p><em>Shit</em>.</p><p>He searched around for a condom, hoping with all his heart that he had used it, and let out a sigh of relief when he saw it knotted on the ground.<br/>
He ran his hands over his face, looking at his room.<br/>
It was completely in disarray, all his completes were scattered around, thrown on the ground. What had he done? He didn't remember anything. Alcohol had a truly devastating effect on him, that’s why he always tried to avoid drinking.<br/>
The boy next to him moved, yawning. He was blonde, but that wasn't a surprise, he liked them blonde.<br/>
He stood up, blanching when he saw the time. He could already hear Washio’s unbearable reproaches.<br/>
After that half-crisis in the university bathroom the day before, he continued that day in blind anger, self-pity and nervousness. He had been so hostile at work he that he had no idea how it had ended like that.<br/>
His knees and hips hurt t a little, he really hoped they didn't do it on the ground.</p><p>He woke up the guy with little delicacy.<br/>
“You have to go.” he said briskly, prodding him.<br/>
The Guy opened his eyes. “Good morning.”<br/>
“I have to go to university, get dressed and get out of my house.”</p><p>Kiyoomi stood up, pulling his bra off his head and looking for a pair of regular underwear. Why was everything turned upside down? Did he have some sort of nervous breakdown? Some of his outfits were in the garbage ...<br/>
“Last night was incredible - the guy behind her commented - you really were wild, Kiyoomi.”</p><p>
  <em>He knows my name. But I don't know his, great.</em>
</p><p>The guy stood up naked, hugging him. Kiyoomi immediately chased him away in annoyance as he searched for decent clothes and rearranged his ideas.<br/>
“Shall we do another round?”<br/>
“I can't, I'm late.”<br/>
“Can I stop here a little bit at least? You went down hard on me yesterday; can you give me your number?”<br/>
He pulled on his pants. “Hurry up. Fuck, it's so late.”<br/>
Kiyoomi took the first bra he found, putting it on. He didn't want that guy to see him, but it was pointless to be scrupulous now. He finished dressing, scrapping together his things.</p><p>“Why don’t we go to dinner one of these days...”<br/>
He pushed the guy into the corridor ignoring him and dragging him to the door. He was horrified to find another condom at the entrance. The other one laughed seeing it.<br/>
“We did two rounds, you were so riled up. You know how to do it Kiyoomi, you know? It was one of my best- he didn't finish the sentence as he found himself outside the door.<br/>
“'m sorry, I have to go.”<br/>
“Wait up! What the fuck, are you really kicking me out?”<br/>
Kiyoomi had a terrible headache.<br/>
“I was drunk, thanks for everything, it must have been great, goodbye Yuri.”<br/>
“THAT'S NOT MY NAME. ASSHOLE.”</p><p> </p><p>He went back to his room embarrassed, finishing gathering his things. He absolutely had to take a shower, he was filthy and smelled of alcohol and smoke, but he didn't have time. He went to brush his teeth, noting with horror that he had two giant bruises on his neck.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck.</em>
</p><p>He checked his phone, realizing he had received a message from Komori.<br/>
<em><strong>K:</strong> enjoy that blond huh, release some stress and thank me tomorrow</em>.</p><p>He went to get a scarf, cursing everyone and everything. His penis hurt too, he must have pulled the condom off or something.</p><p>Those were the moments when he wanted to get his damn money back. At sixteen he wasn’t mentally stable; he refused what he was with ferocity, he locked himself in his room to read everything legible and avoided having contact with anyone.<br/>
But despite this he had time, time to learn to play music, time to calm down when he was sick, time to read, to try new experiences, to analyze his situation.<br/>
Money allowed him all that, allowed him to get into a fight and get out of it without consequences, allowed him to expect everything from the future, to aim for the maximum, not to have to bow his head or swallow pride, he could have sex around without worrying about the precise hours of sleep he had lost.</p><p>Now he was fumbling to finish a day without losing his sanity. Maintaining this type of life was becoming extremely difficult, studying, being Washio’s slave and working at night.<br/>
And the guys still had the nerve to ask him why he wasn't having an affair. Before that tonight, he hadn’t slept with someone in a long time.</p><p> </p><p>With the last one it ended because he said that Kiyoomi was "too domineering and cold".<br/>
On the other hand, picking up random men was really the bottom line for him, he didn't like it at all.<br/>
First because he did not know the other's hygienic conditions, and he refused to put his penis in holes he knew nothing about, second because he actually was a frigid little boy, so he didn’t get along with just anyone. Sometimes he even interrupted sex and left, he wanted to avoid being told again that he was a "powerless asshole".</p><p>Not to mention that it happened more and more often that people picked him up with the intention of topping him, but for him being a bottom was enough the first time. He was persuaded to try by a total incompetent and he’d never repeat that experience. He was too much of a control freak to leave the situation to others, he had to be in charge of everything. The university environment never put him in a good mood. Knowing he’d have absorb by osmosis that air of freedom, civil rights, progress, young minds, while being Washio's slave, only made him anxious about that place.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He had missed the first lesson of the morning, having to go to the next one. He finished his cigarette, throwing it away and reaching his classroom.</p><p>
  <em>It's ten o'clock and I already need another coffee. Maybe two.</em>
</p><p>When he arrived, he realized that fortunately the lesson hadn’t yet begun.<br/>
He saw Atsumu, of all the people he could have fallen in love with, he fell for the most straight-up boastful idiot he'd ever met.</p><p>Atsumu in junior high and even in high school wasn’t popular at all, but at the university all his charm bloomed; perhaps because the girls matured and preferred a cheerful and lively type like him to the usual braggart, or perhaps because Atsumu himself had changed.</p><p>Kiyoomi had seen him hitting on girls several times, and he damn well knew how to do it, his spontaneity, mixed with a dose of malice and curiosity, made the girls feel special. Because Atsumu had this way of looking at you when he paid attention to you, as if you were the only one existing in the world.</p><p>Kiyoomi walked away, looking for a place away from him, away from those girls, away from his thong that he would never get back, and that would be worn sooner or later by some girl who would have convinced Atsumu that she was Pali-chan.</p><p>“Kiyoomi!” Atsumu waved, seeing him.<br/>
He dodged the girls, ignoring what they were saying and joined him right away.<br/>
“What a drag, a bunch of girls showed up claiming to be Pali-chan and… are you okay? You seem to be really tired.”</p><p>The man nodded, sitting down beside him.<br/>
Kiyoomi felt his eyes heavy.<br/>
“Kiyoomi if it’s too much, quit it. I'm sure your father would understand.”<br/>
It wasn’t the work that devastated him, but the extra tasks that Washio gave him, crazy and very long tasks with impossible deadlines.<br/>
“Go back to your fans.”<br/>
“They aren't fans of mine, and I know Pali-chan isn't among them. She would never do something like this, she is too proud, she wants to be found.”<br/>
“What if someone were to show up with the other piece of the underwear?”<br/>
“That’s not enough. I ask questions about the things Pali-chan and I said to each other.”</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi rubbed his eyes. He had to tell him the truth. He had to tell him it was all a joke, but while looking at Atsumu’s hopeful and happy expression, he realized he would hate him. Atsumu wouldn't forgive him easily for playing with his feelings.</p><p>“I think you have to stop looking for this girl” he said seriously, pulling out his notebook.<br/>
“Nope.”<br/>
“If she wanted to be found, she would have contacted you.”<br/>
Atsumu snorted.<br/>
“Kiyoomi, it’s clear that Pali-chan is ashamed, maybe she is overweight, or maybe she has some flaw that makes her believe she is not beautiful. But she wants to be found, deep inside she wants it, I'm sure.”<br/>
Kiyoomi had to text Atsumu to leave her alone. He had taken this joke too far.<br/>
“I think you're wrong.”<br/>
Atsumu retrieved his things and sat next to him.</p><p>“You see, she's like a serial killer. Serial killers often leave clues, because part of them would like to be discovered, like artists who want their work to be recognized.”<br/>
“Geez, did you start to view Criminal Minds again?”<br/>
“The point is, if she didn't want to be found, she would have written to me to leave her alone or cut it out.”<br/>
Kiyoomi avoided his gaze.<br/>
“Look at how many girls who would like to hit on you. Give a chance to one of them.”<br/>
Atsumu cut him off.<br/>
“I can’t do that. I got tired of going around from one girl to another. I was doing it simply because I was sad, I was not looking for a replacement, but an outlet - he admitted, with a bitter tone - Pali-chan is the only one who managed to make me forget...”<br/>
Atsumu stopped before saying too much.</p><p>
  <em>Don't say these things Tsumu…</em>
</p><p>He felt like a worm. That hurt and hopeful look on Atsumu was killing him. Had this person hurt him that much? And now he was about to do the same thing, giving him a similar disappointment for a ridiculous joke. He really exaggerated.</p><p>
  <em>How the hell do I get out of it this time?</em>
</p><p>“Before trying a relationship, you should be comfortable with yourself, that’s why I have no intention to be in a relationship.”<br/>
Atsunu looked at him questioningly.<br/>
“You’re not okay with yourself?”<br/>
He didn't answer immediately, then tried to avoid the question. “What I have for now is enough for me.”<br/>
“Maybe we are simply made differently on this point.” the other replied with a little smile.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi disagreed. Sure, he had never been remotely romantic, but he certainly would have been a little happier if Atsumu knew the truth without judging him.<br/>
His feelings for Atsumu, however, were hopeless, it wasn’t even worth thinking about it.<br/>
He wasn't sure if he'd ever fallen in love in his life. Probably not, but because no one had ever known him as well as Atsumu did. He was the only person Kiyoomi had such a bond with, so maybe that was why.</p><p>“Atsumu-kun - murmured a very pretty girl – could you sit next to me today? We wanted to ask you some questions about this mysterious girl!”<br/>
“Thank you very much for the offer, but I need Kiyoomi to explain things to me during the lesson” and closed his hands in prayer, winking. “Next time count on me”</p><p>
  <em>Jerk</em>
</p><p>Kiyoomi thought, slightly embarrassed by how Atsumu dismissed those girls to stay with him. He knew it was an excuse, since Atsumu never followed the lesson, so he didn't even bother asking him about it.<br/>
“I don't want you near me.” he muttered, looking enviously at a girl who was walking away drinking a coffee.<br/>
Atsumu handed him some coffee chocolates, the very bitter ones Kiyoomi liked.<br/>
“You sure?” grinned the blond.<br/>
“Okay, you can stay.”<br/>
After the first half hour of class, Kiyoomi felt a slight shake. He opened his eyes, blinking and saw Atsumu’s worried expression.<br/>
“Are you all right?”<br/>
He nodded raising his face and looking at the writing that had appeared on the blackboard, cursing himself. Atsumu pointed to the tape recorder.<br/>
“Get some sleep, I'll cover you up and then I'll hand you the tape.”<br/>
Kiyoomi shook his head, trying to follow, blinking several times to awaken the sight.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>A</strong>: I will not stop looking for you.</em>
</p><p>Kiyoomi wondered if you had to attend one of those self-esteem seminars to become as pedantic and annoyingly insistent as Atsumu. Everyone knew when to stop, when to give up, but not him. He had always been like this, even as a child, no matter how much Kiyoomi ignored him or was cruel to him, Atsumu was never discouraged. He didn't know if it was patience, stupidity or masochism. In any case, such a little self-love was to be admired from a certain point of view.<br/>
He was in Washio’s studio, sitting at his desk. Gin and Shirabu went to smoke leaving him alone.<br/>
He ran a hand through his hair, unsure what to do.</p><p>
  <em>P: you are unbearably stubborn. I’d like you to leave me alone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: you don't really want that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His irritation skyrocketed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>P: trust me, it's better this way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A: it's not! I know you want it as much as I do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had to cut off. He had to shut him down without hurting him too much, and that wasn't Kiyoomi’s specialty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>S: I am in love with a person.</em>
</p><p>This was definitely perfect. It wasn't Atsumu’s fault like that, he wouldn't have thought she didn't like him, but simply that she was already taken by someone else.</p><p><em>S: I thought I got over it, I underestimated everything. I'm sorry</em>.</p><p>Atsumu didn't answer this time. Kiyoomi wanted to make sure he didn't overdo it, but he couldn't get away from there just yet. He set off at a good pace to finish his work, then left the studio and looked around for him.<br/>
It was afternoon, the sunlight had faded, the shadows lengthened, and it had begun to get quite cold. Some students were leaving the faculty, others were still studying, many were talking in small gathered groups.<br/>
He asked Atsumu’s noisy friends where he went, challenging his chronic anti sociality.</p><p> </p><p>He found the blond lying on the lawn under the shade of a tree, at the back of their faculty, where there was hardly anyone.<br/>
It was February and the cold could hardly be called mild, but Atsumu was known to be a human radiator.<br/>
“I was looking for you.”<br/>
He opened one eye, looking down at his friend.<br/>
“Sorry, I was thinking.”<br/>
His gaze was not purely sad, but more discouraged. He looked dejected.<br/>
“On what?”<br/>
He sat down beside him, careless of the damp lawn. He couldn't let it go after what he had done. His scarf slipped on the grass as he sat down, Kiyoomi hastily retrieved it to keep it from getting wet, and at that moment he felt Atsumu’s fingers brush his neck.<br/>
“Glad that at least one of us is having fun.”<br/>
He froze and read a deep frustration in the other's expression.<br/>
Atsumu stood up, listlessly grabbing his backpack, and left Kiyoomi there like an idiot, not even saying "bye".</p><p>He touched his neck, where the hickey bloomed and took a deep breath, then let it go. He rolled up the scarf and got up too, walking home.<br/>
That must have been envy, probably after receiving such a blow, he wasn’t happy to see that on the contrary Kiyoomi "was having fun".<br/>
It was strange that he hadn't asked him anything, normally he would have bombarded him with questions in that raised and irritating tone of his.<br/>
His phone vibrated, but it wasn't a message directed to Pali-chan, but to him.</p><p>
  <em>A: sorry if I left like this, it was a bad day. Tomorrow maybe tell me who is the lucky one who managed to get into Sakusa Kiyoomi’s underwear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>K: it's not what you think.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Kiyoomi arrived home, he closed the door and resumed ordering the mess he had left that morning. The various outfits were scattered around. Seeing them like this, he realized that he had so many.<br/>
He took one from the floor, plain dark purple, without too many frills. Of course, he couldn't wear the overly bulky ones otherwise they’d show through clothes.<br/>
He found some that he had forgotten and began to try them on.<br/>
His physique was not big, pumped or overly muscled, it was lean, toned, with a barely hinted abdominal line emerging, angular hips and a not too broad chest.<br/>
His physique might have passed for a woman’, and certain garments fit him really well.<br/>
The bra he tried on had a broken strap, but he liked it. The underneath had loosened and now no longer held anything, it was a simple slip without anything erotic.</p><p>He must have lost weight in those days, he felt he was even skinnier than usual.<br/>
Looking at himself, he thought back to a few days ago, when he tried n that ridiculous costume with onigiris.</p><p>“I think I would throw up.”</p><p>He shivered, struck by one of those surreal moments where he didn't recognize himself in the mirror. The absurdity of the image he saw in front of him made him feel dizzy. He could no longer bear that reflection. He didn't know what the hell had changed, but suddenly he was so clumsy, so crude. He quickly took it off, as if it was burning, and dropped it to the ground. He kept tidying up and he took the bra of that hideous bikini with onigiris.<br/>
He lay down on the unmade bed to mull over as he watched it.</p><p>
  <em>Did I really think it looked good on me?</em>
</p><p>The power Atsumu had over him sometimes was terrifying. A few dry words to turn him down like that.<br/>
As he thought he rolled over on his side, and even though he had to study and then go to work, fatigue and stress took over, causing him to fall asleep. When he opened his eyes, he noticed that it was very late. Again.</p><p>
  <em>Oh no.</em>
</p><p>He had to go to work. That day the place would close earlier due to Bokuto’s absence, and it was up to him the last shift and closure. He left the bed unmade and got dressed in no time, taking his jacket, keys and forgetting his phone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu texted Kiyoomi he’d come by to leave him a book, but he received no reply.<br/>
After his behavior in college, the way he left… he wanted to try to make Kiyoomi understand that it was entirely due to Pali-chan, and nothing else.</p><p>
  <em>Who knows who he fucked. He usually doesn't waste time with any girl, it's the first time I've seen a hickey on him.</em>
</p><p>Thinking about it was so depressing. He flipped through the pictures on his phone looking at Kiyoomi’s stolen shots, jealously guarded behind his phone code.<br/>
Someone had been able to put their lips on that very pale and tapered neck, leaving a mark on him so brazenly.<br/>
Did that bastard let them do that without even protesting? After all the trouble he had caused him once, just because he had scribbled his hand! And now he walked around with that incriminating sign of his sex life.</p><p>
  <em>Stupid Kiyoomi.</em>
</p><p>Now he was in front of the apartment and was waiting for someone to open it. Temperatures had dropped again, he suspected it would snow that night.<br/>
He shivered in his coat, waiting, then remembered Kiyoomi always left a spare key between the crack of the doorframe.<br/>
He still hadn't answered Pali-chan.<br/>
She was in love with someone else, and Kiyoomi was having sex around. His love life was just a mess.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he entered the apartment he let himself be overwhelmed by selfishness and the desperate desire he had to sleep with his best friend, again.<br/>
He went to Kiyoomi’s room.<br/>
Kiyoomi’s room was as tidy as ever, except for the strangely unmade bed. He put down his backpack and pulled out his phone, texting him and asking if he could stop by.<br/>
He heard something buzz and walked over it. Kiyomi forgot his phone.<br/>
He looked around cautiously and took it, wanting to peek.<br/>
Unfortunately, there was a code to unlock it. He snorted and put it back in its place.<br/>
He pulled out his camera, guilty.<br/>
He’d take pictures just for… fun. Yes, that's right, just for that.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi’s desk was rigorously organized, the books arranged according to the subject and in alphabetical order, the sheets stacked next to the notebooks, the tempered pencils, the pens divided by color. There was a clean ashtray in the corner, Atsumu remembered giving it to him as a souvenir, and he was thrilled to see it there.<br/>
He wasn’t going to look in the closets, that would have been too much, he just wanted to capture the environment in which Kiyoomi relaxed the most.</p><p>He framed the bed, wondering if he had brought that girl there. He couldn't help but imagine himself in that bed, crawling on top of Kiyoomi and kissing him.</p><p>It was hard to fantasize about Kiyoomi from that point of view. He didn't exactly have an experience to compare those dreams with, he had never been with a man, he just viewed a few videos while trying to figure out why the hell he got hard when he thought about Kiyoomi. He was certain that with girls it was all different, even knowing that with a boy he would just have to put it in, it was bizarre to think about it.</p><p>
  <em>‘Tsumu, fuck me harder.</em>
</p><p>Atsumu couldn't picture him saying something like that, even if he tried, it was almost impossible to imagine him that way, even though he didn't mind thinking about it.<br/>
<em>No, Atsumu stop, I'm ashamed.</em></p><p>Even imagining him in a more reluctant and embarrassed voice was rather strange, he couldn't imagine it.<br/>
<em>Miya, shut up and let me fuck you</em>.</p><p>He nodded, thinking that the tone would probably be despotic and commanding. He always had vanilla sex, so he couldn't imagine sex like that.<br/>
He focused the lens, squinting the other eye, and snapped the photo with the flash just when he noticed something protruding from the blankets.<br/>
He walked over, pulling it out and standing petrified right where he was.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>Disgusting.</em><br/>
<em>Fagot.</em><br/>
<em>Sick.</em><br/>
Kiyoomi was finishing cleaning the glasses at the counter as he thought about unpleasant memories.<br/>
Someone left an offensive sign on the pub wall again the night before. Komori had taken care of it cleaning it while cursing everyone and everything, something like “if I catch these thugs, I'll strangle them in Oikawa’s hair or choke them in Bokuto’s scent! Idiots, morons, I'll kill them " and other various insults. And to think he wasn't even gay.</p><p>That place was indeed a refuge, but at times it felt like he was under siege and hiding.<br/>
He believed that hiding everything was a good way to go on with his life, but it was inevitable to be alone on that path. What was wrong with him? When he mirrored himself in general, he didn't think he was ridiculous or gross, but that he was really sexy, beautiful.</p><p>He did not understand why he liked to look at himself, he was not vain or exhibitionist, but he was enormously pleased with the way certain clothes fit him. That momentary complacency was over almost instantly. If he superimposed an image of a girl in that same lingerie, he felt like throwing up.<br/>
Throwing up because he was really messed up, and because he could imagine Atsumu’s horrified expression in front of such an image. He would have been disgusted, he would have thought that Kiyoomi was a depraved.</p><p> </p><p>The more he hid all this from him, the more he felt suffocated by the situation. The glass fell from his hand and he grimaced as he heard the crash of broken glass. He bent down to pick up the pieces on the floor. He remained crouched for almost a full minute, distracted by his thoughts.<br/>
He had to close the place, instead he was moving with a disarming slowness. He yawned and decided to smoke a cigarette before finishing his preparations. He leaned against the wall outside the pub, lighting his butt.</p><p>
  <em>I made a mess.</em>
</p><p>He shouldn’t have played like this with Atsumu, started writing him and filling him with bullshit.<br/>
He just wanted to somehow make him pay for all the comments he had always expressed with that arrogance and then destroy him, like Atsumu kept destroying him every day. But now he had to end it.</p><p>The only connection he had between his real self and Atsumu was over. Everything would return back to as it was before, with Kiyoomi lying and to Atsumu who spoke inappropriately and offended homosexual people.</p><p> </p><p>It was at times like this that he thought about his father, how he looked in shock when he was seven.</p><p>His mother had recently passed away, and Kiyoomi had brought a friend home. Kiyoomi had put one of his mother bras for fun, he had always enjoyed stealing his mom's clothes, even when she was alive, but after her death it became even more necessary.<br/>
It was like having her with him. That time his father was frozen, he remembered perfectly his furious screams, the slap that had come straight to Kiyoomi’s face.</p><p>After that Kiyoomi hadn't touched his mom’s clothes anymore. Then almost ten years later, he'd again found the courage to wear a bra, when the guy he was dating had forced him because he lost a bet. He had felt incredibly good, he didn't even know why, but he liked to feel that underwear on, he liked to look in the mirror.<br/>
He didn't get turned on about being seen, it wasn't something related to sex, it was something related to him, a way to feel comfortable. His father, of course, didn't see it that way. After he had taken away all of Kiyoomi’s financial income, he panicked for a moment.<br/>
He already knew Bokuto’s place and he almost begged him to take him to work, and he accepted. That period had not been easy, but he remembered very well that Atsumu always covered him in class, he worried about him, sent him cards and notes that he had lost, never stopped asking him if everything was okay. Then he had achieved a stability, a stability that he lost when he became Washio’s assistant.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi came home incredibly depressed. He noticed Atsumu’s shoes on the entrance and panicked. He entered his room already out of breath, throwing open the door.<br/>
Atsumu was sitting on the unmade bed and was holding the bra with the onigiris in his hands.<br/>
Kiyoomi felt his heart stop. The other's gaze was cold, apathetic, almost bored. He slowly raised his hazel eyes to him, glaring at him.</p><p>
  <em>Oh no…</em>
</p><p>Kiyoomi thought, one step away from throwing up.<br/>
Atsumu stood up and handed the bra back, without saying a word. He passed him and started to leave the room. Atsumu’s punch caught him off guard. He fell to the ground with a thud.<br/>
He covered his cheek with his hand, feeling the taste of blood invade his mouth. He lifted his face and found the most furious expression he had ever seen on Atsumu’s face.</p><p>“At the ball you disappeared at some point, just when she stopped answering me too. You disappeared at the same time, left at the same time. I didn't notice at the moment. You've been hostile to this Pali-chan thing from the start, and she never wanted to talk about you.”<br/>
Kiyoomi was frozen.<br/>
“Atsumu… let me explain.”<br/>
“SHUT THE FUCK UP! - he screamed - she tells me she's in love with someone else, you show up with hickeys and you have this fucking bra. You two are shitty people! Of all the girls you could have fucked, why her? How can you be such an asshole?!”<br/>
Sakusa looked at him speechless.</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“Please don't start saying "it's not what you think" because I'll break your neck. You have been particularly nice to me lately, I had to imagine it was for your guilty conscience! How long have you seen her? Was it a way to bullshit me, or did you just find yourself having sex with her like that, by accident?”</p><p>Kiyoomi stood up, moving his face to dispel the numbness from the previous hit.<br/>
“There is no Pali-chan, it was a joke from the start.”<br/>
The other didn't believe him, it was obvious.<br/>
“Sure, a joke, fuck you! You think I’m an idiot? What? You want to cover her? I don’t give a fuck about her.”<br/>
“I'm telling you the truth, this ... this is mine” he admitted, exhausted.</p><p>Atsumu tore the bra from his hands.<br/>
“What the actual fuck, please, at least make a good excuse! You'd rather pretend to be a fag than tell me the truth, very well - he replied sharply - Did you fuck her? Who is she? Tell me!”</p><p>This would probably have been one of the fundamental decisions of Kiyoomi’s life. Being hated for sleeping with a girl who didn't exist or being considered an abomination by telling the truth. Which of the two was less painful?</p><p>Perhaps with time Atsumu would forgive him for having a fling with his imaginary girlfriend behind his back, but not for being a "fag" who wore women's clothes, he doubted there was any hope for that.</p><p>“I'm not going to tell you who she is. And it's not my fault that you let me steal her.” he hissed, with a hateful smile.</p><p>Kiyoomi was so mad at Atsumu’s latest homophobic thought that he really wanted to hurt him.<br/>
He saw Atsumu wince, as if he had hit him.</p><p>“Fucking piece of shit… you two are disgusting people! Jesus Christ! You're my fucking best friend, why?”<br/>
“I wanted to fuck her since I met her, she started texting you just to hook me up. Too bad you haven't seen her, she has very pale skin, you know?”<br/>
Atsumu seemed on the verge of throwing up.<br/>
“I'm leaving.”<br/>
Kiyoomi stopped him.<br/>
“Aw, c’mon, stay, so I'll tell you how we met at the bar where I work, she's a loyal customer, and how much she enjoyed being kissed on the neck, she's particularly sensitive there.”<br/>
Another punch hit him in the face, but this time he avoided falling to the ground and stood up, though his lip gushed blood for a moment.<br/>
Atsumu had red knuckles.<br/>
Kiyoomi sucked on his lip, feeling a deep satisfaction. Why hadn't he thought about it from the start?</p><p>Atsumu had red eyes.<br/>
“One way or another, you're always the one that hurts me the most - he murmured - I never want to have anything to do with you again. I never want to see your shitty face again! And tell her you deserve each other!” he commented in a harsh voice.</p><p>“You should have listened to me. You're the dickhead.”<br/>
Atsumu stared at him wide-eyed.<br/>
“I… what ?! - he took a deep breath to avoid smashing Kiyoomi’s head on the desk.<br/>
“Good. Thanks for telling me, as far as I'm concerned you're dead to me.”<br/>
He slammed the door theatrically. Then he went inside, grabbed the ashtray he had given him, and took it away with anger, slamming the door again and leaving the house with inhuman fury.<br/>
Kiyoomi clutched his bra in his hand until his knuckles whitened. He felt his swollen lip, emptied of any emotion.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Atsumu, are you going to skip lessons today too?”<br/>
Suna was knocking on the door, with no response.<br/>
He sighed in annoyance and entered, squinting in the dark. He turned on the light, since the shutters were down.<br/>
Atsumu was wrapped in the duvet like a silkworm and was silent. The walls of the room were completely bare, only scraps of photos remained attached. He detached them all two days ago, ripping them violently and stacking them in a corner.<br/>
Suna thought that room was creepier this way: bare, devoid of those black eyes.<br/>
“Sooner or later you will have to face it. You can't escape forever.”</p><p>"Watch me” Atsumu growled from the covers.<br/>
Rintaro scratched the back of his neck.<br/>
“He asked me about you, if you'd come back. It is obvious that he is sorry.”<br/>
Something flew against the wall, a slipper maybe.<br/>
“Oh, he’s sorry? Poor thing! Tell him to come here, so I'll break that ass face he has”<br/>
The friend sat down on the bed next to him.<br/>
“What pains you the most? That he slept with her or the opposite?<br/>
Atsumu’s face was hidden.</p><p>“Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Those two make me sick, I don't even know who to feel bad for. It's absurd, it's worse than a nightmare.”<br/>
“Yes, but this whole story is really strange.”<br/>
The blond came out of the covers with his face upset.<br/>
“Those two bastards fucked me around! They slept together while I was damned. Who knows how much they laughed at me. And now they're going to get married, have kids, and remember that jerk they both turned down!”<br/>
Suna sighed.<br/>
“I want to remove Kiyoomi’s face from my mind, you have to help me, let's throw away the photos and replace them with pictures of lamps or sinks.”<br/>
Suna listened to that morning rant, letting it vent.</p><p>“It all seems really strange to me. I mean, Kiyoomi never shown any sign of interest in any particular girl, and then decides to do something like that to you?”<br/>
“That’s because he's an asshole, Suarin. You don't have to try to understand that devilish head of his, inside it there are evil laughter that wanders in the void, along with cruel and ruthless plans. He exists to make my life miserable.”<br/>
“Talk about being dramatic.”<br/>
“I'm not melodramatic! He managed to hurt me like this not once, but TWICE. Twice I've felt pathetic, painful, annihilated. He didn't even call me, he just sent me a shred of text with a "we should talk about it better". What the fuck does that mean? What should I tell him?”<br/>
Rintaro adjusted his round glasses.<br/>
“what about her? Has she written to you anymore?<br/>
“That double-face bitch-breaking friendship? No, strange but true, she’s gone. Her and her magical thongs around the world, I'd make her swallow that stupid thong! If they think I'll give it back, they're crazy. In fact, I'll blow my nose in it and then give it back to him.”<br/>
The friend was actually laughing but stopped when Atsumu glared at him.<br/>
“You said they met at the pub where Kiyoomi works, doesn't it seem bizarre?”<br/>
“Eh?”<br/>
“Kiyoomi told us that he worked in a club for older people, where middle-aged ladies and gentlemen went to converse, a very serious place. How is it possible that he met this girl there?”<br/>
“Pali-chan is a milf… and Kiyoomi is her toyboy!”<br/>
“Your conclusions always leave me perplexed.”<br/>
“I always knew Kiyoomi had shitty tastes, I mean, he doesn't like me, so he must have an horrible taste. But this is too much!”</p><p> </p><p>Suna grinned.</p><p>“Why don't you go investigate there? I'll give you a lift with my motorbike.”<br/>
“Where? At Kiyoomi’s pub? Are you crazy? Besides, I don't even know where it is.”<br/>
“I know, I know the name because I heard it once while Kiyoomi’s was talking on the phone. I never told you because I was afraid you would go and spy on him.”<br/>
Atsumu frowned at that answer.<br/>
“I don't care where he works anymore. Why should I go there? And then that place is all serious from how he talks about it, I would be a burden for him ...”<br/>
“It is cute how you still care about him despite what he did to you.”<br/>
The friend snorted.<br/>
“Why should I go there? I don't want to meet Pali-chan, I don't want to meet Kiyomi too.”</p><p>“Tsumu, I think right now you have to figure out if you want to give Kiyoomi a chance of forgiveness or not. I don't know if he'll apologize, I doubt it, even if he's sorry, he might not apologize. And he could tell you other bullshit. If Pali-chan really frequents the place where Kiyoomi works, you could talk to her and ask her about it too.”<br/>
The friend seemed against it.<br/>
“But I can't beat her - he muttered -And then why do you care so much?”<br/>
“I want to see where Kiyoomi works! - he answered enthusiastically - come on, aren't you a bit curious? And now you have no obligation to him!”<br/>
Atsumu thought about it.<br/>
“Okay, let's go.”<br/>
The friend brushed the hair off his forehead.<br/>
“I'm sure this girl will regret letting you escape.”<br/>
The hazel eyes were sad.<br/>
“Her? She got Omi, and Omi got her. I doubt that either of them can regret anything.”<br/>
“In that case we will find you a girl a thousand times more beautiful and intelligent than that one, or a guy who is cooler and kinder than Kiyoomi.”.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi stared at his phone all day in vain, knowing Atsumu wouldn't answer him. He hadn't had the courage to text him as Pali-chan, although it might have been easier.<br/>
He had to apologize. He had really messed everything up for his anger.<br/>
Maybe Atsumu had his bigoted ideas, but Kiyoomi had never done anything to make him change his mind, he had never tried to strike up a discussion about it, to try to open his mind. He had limited himself to passively accepting those ideas of his, and to hate him for it, demanding that he change on his own, which was impossible.<br/>
Still, Atsumu didn't deserve to be hurt like that, he would apologize and tell him it had all been a joke from the start.<br/>
Otherwise their relationship would end without him being able to show his true self to Atsumu.</p><p> </p><p>In his only break he smoked a cigarette, looking at the online shop for different outfits he wanted and couldn't afford. Yellow looked really bad on him, but it was a color he liked. Yes, the reason was pretty obvious. He saw a very interesting red lace one, but he could only wear certain things when he was sure no one he knew was around. They showed slightly under the clothes, and he couldn't risk it.</p><p>
  <em>“Make up a believable lie.”</em>
</p><p>That was really unthinkable, huh? One side of this intrigued him, that no one would have thought he was wearing certain clothes, but it was also disheartening.<br/>
Probably it would have been better for Atsumu to think that his friend fucked his girlfriend, after all it was still more normal than ... that.<br/>
He closed the app, focusing on the suit he was wearing today. He couldn't see it of course, but he felt the soft fabric on him.<br/>
Maybe he should have just stopped. It didn't make any sense at all.<br/>
Why wearing a bra? He certainly didn't have boobs. It was something wrong, even if he liked it, there was no reason to continue.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu looked around the empty room, curious. Suna accompanied him there, but the place was still closed, and he had to go to class, so he left.<br/>
Atsumu waited and then returned, finding the place open. They had seen the way on the internet and immediately went there, without inquiring about anything else. He had braced himself and walked in, and now he was standing there alone, nervously peeking around. It looked like a classy place indeed, the brass-colored counter was polished and neat, the stools in front of it had a tapered and graceful shape. There was a very good smell around that resembled cologne, the paint on the walls, floor, pictures and paintings gave it a touch of elegance.</p><p> </p><p>A guy approached him as soon as he sat.<br/>
“Can I get you anything?”<br/>
“Actually, I just wanted to know if you happened to see a girl named Pali-chan.”</p><p>The guy frowned and excused himself, he returned moments later.<br/>
“I asked our boss, but they didn’t remember either.”<br/>
Atsumu looked at him puzzled.<br/>
“They? Huh?”<br/>
“You are not familiar with these bars, are you? Women hardly enter here, apart from men who were previously women, or women who are actually men, people still in transition, well there is a great variety.”<br/>
The blonde looked at him as if he was deliring, looked down at his beer, wondering if he hadn't been drugged.<br/>
“Is your boss a man?” - he managed to say, seriously shocked.<br/>
“Yes, but women's clothes fit him better, trust me.”<br/>
Atsumu blinked.<br/>
“And Kyioomi accepts this?”<br/>
“Of course, he does, otherwise he wouldn't be coming to work here.”<br/>
“What kind of place is this?”<br/>
The waiter raised an eyebrow.<br/>
“It's a gay bar.”<br/>
Atsumu was silent for a full minute, reworking - a… gay bar? You mean a bar where gays come?”<br/>
“Are there any gay bars where straight people go by chance?”<br/>
The guy teased him.</p><p>Another person sat down, with light brown hair and long lashes.<br/>
Another guy popped from behind the counter.<br/>
“Hi Oikawa, the usual?”<br/>
“Yes, a kamikaze, thanks.”<br/>
“Does Kiyoomi really work here?”<br/>
“Are you one of Kiyoomi’s fans?”<br/>
Oikawa asked, hearing the name.<br/>
“I don't understand how that irreverent bastard has so many men drooling after him.”<br/>
“So he really works here” Atsumu stammered, recognizing the tone of hatred that characterized almost everyone who had to do with Omi even for just one night.<br/>
“He really is okay with it? “<br/>
The guy sliced a lime wedge.<br/>
“Yeah, but aren't you his friend?”<br/>
Oikawa tilted his face.<br/>
“Kiyoomi has no friends. Wait, you won't be Atsumu, are you?”</p><p>The barman panicked.<br/>
“Oh shit. Does Kiyoomi know you're here?”<br/>
Atsumu stood up.<br/>
“No! No, he doesn't know, why the fuck does he work in a gay bar? How long has he been working here?”<br/>
“Calm down, he has been working here for two years.”</p><p>“Two years ... - Atsumu whispered, falling back on the stool – “two years in a gay bar, two years.”<br/>
He took deep breaths, while the two looked at him concerned. – “You traumatized him - Oikawa said - and you just forced Kiyoomi to come out, he will hang you by the testicles when he finds out.”<br/>
The guy wailed. “Please don't tell him you heard it from me! Don't ask me more questions.”<br/>
Everyone winced when Atsumu bent over with tears.<br/>
“Come on, don't be like this, maybe it was a year and ten months, not really two years…”<br/>
Atsumu wiped his eyes.<br/>
“Two years of suppressing everything, being a homophobic asshole, and he worked in a fucking gay bar - he rolled his red eyes at the bartender - but how is that possible? Why does he work here?”</p><p>The bartender threw a series of endless glares at Oikawa, who had a very dangerous look. He climbed up a few stools, approaching Atsumu. He ignored the bartender's murderous looks a second time.<br/>
“You see kid, for Kiyoomi this is a refuge, as for each of us. You won't be here to trouble us, ae you?”<br/>
Atsumu had the most distraught and lost expression on the planet “Kiyoomi, he… he, he’s - he was gasping for that question, he was out of breath - is he gay?”</p><p> </p><p>He asked, seized by an atrocious doubt. He didn't know if only gay people worked in gay bars, but it was worth asking.</p><p>“I don't want to know any of this. I’m not telling a word”</p><p>“Tell me! I've been in love with him for a lifetime, I have the right to know! - he shouted, slamming his hands on the counter - fuck, this is absurd. Why the hell he works in a gay bar?!”</p><p>Oikawa was laughing as he sipped his drink.<br/>
“Blondie, do you see there by the counter? There are some photos of employees on special occasions at the venue. Why don't you check it out?”<br/>
Atsumu walked over and started scrolling through them one by one. In many of them there was Kiyoomi dressed as a barman cursing the photographer, in others he spoke to customers with a slight smile.</p><p>He had never seen that relaxed expression on him. And then there was THE photo. Atsumu blinked; Kiyoomi looked drunk and was only wearing pants. He was giving his back, but what he was wearing was undoubtedly… a bra.<br/>
He stared at it for a few minutes, speechless.<br/>
Why was Omi wearing a bra? Was it some kind of themed party? He felt Oikawa’s hands resting on his shoulders and shivered.<br/>
“Not only Kiyoomi-chan is gay, but he loves to wear women's lingerie. He's been buying them at my shop since I opened, he likes intimate outfits - he whispered in his ear - apart from that party, I never had the pleasure of seeing him in underwear, but I know he always wears them, at university, at home, he loves to feel them on him.”<br/>
Atsumu felt too something awaken in his pants as he stared at that image. Suddenly he blushed to the tips of his hair.</p><p>Did Omi really wear women's lingerie under his clothes? When they talked together, when they were studying or in class, even in those cases he was wearing.</p><p>“Oikawa you shouldn't tell him certain things! Seriously, Kiyoomi will skin us alive if he finds out. Are you crazy?”<br/>
“Kiyoomi is not my friend. Are you sweating blondie? Do you want to buy him an underwear set? He'd really like it, you know?” Oikawa said, smiling. “I will give you a discount because you are cute with this innocent look.”<br/>
Atsumu squeezed his legs, forcing himself to calm down.<br/>
“Does Omi really like to wear certain things?”<br/>
He asked enormously skeptical.<br/>
“Sure. Give him something classy, he'll feel better whatever the problem is.”<br/>
Atsumu looked around, bewildered, not knowing if he was making fun of him. It had to be all a joke.</p><p>Suddenly Atsumu thought about Kiyoomi telling him that bra was his. He began to fear the worst.<br/>
“And Pali-chan then? Don't tell me Pali-chan is a man! Don't tell me they're together, please.”<br/>
If Kiyoomi was gay and was with another man, Atsumu would call himself the most unhappy and unlucky person on the planet.</p><p> </p><p>He heard the bartender laugh as he walked back to the counter.<br/>
“Now I get it, but you were talking about Kiyoomi. There was a man who always called him that here, he hates that name.”</p><p>Atsumu took a moment to fire a string of unimaginable bad words as he felt relief invade him deeply.<br/>
He leaned on his heels, taking his face as if he were crying.<br/>
“That asshole” he stammered upset “that sadistic manipulative lying asshole. His bastardy is something pathological…” he kept repeating, shocked.</p><p>“Omi with a bra ... Pali-chan, that dickhead, I’ll kill him, Ii’m immediately going to kiss him and then I’ll kill him, I’ll punch him until he begs for mercy.”<br/>
It was a kind of dream, and at the same time a nightmare.<br/>
A nightmare because Kiyoomi suddenly seemed more mysterious than Batman, with a more frenetic and secretive double life than Spiderman.<br/>
What else had he hidden from him? What else did he need to know? Why was he pretending to be Pali-chan? To make fun of him?</p><p> </p><p>All his homophobic comments must have hurt him if he really was…</p><p>
  <em>It's impossible, I want to strangle myself.</em>
</p><p>He ran his hands over his face, cursing and insulting himself. He had to calm down right away. The fact that Kiyoomi was gay didn’t change anything.<br/>
Omi still refused him.</p><p>
  <em>Ah c’mon!</em>
</p><p>He finds out the man he loves is gay, to discover he wasn’t Kiyoomi type?</p><p>
  <em>No no! If so I will become his type at any cost!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Did he tell you about me?”<br/>
Oikawa pursed his lips in a smile.<br/>
“Oh yes, after a few too many drinks he sang. Poor Kiyoomi-chan, with a homophobic and racist best friend.”<br/>
Atsumu swallowed heavily, feeling unfriendly looks on him.<br/>
“I'm not homophobe, I have nothing against people like you, like me I should say ...” he stammered, sipping the drink.<br/>
“Kiyoomi said something different, you seemed rather hostile instead.”<br/>
“It was all fake! - he blurted out desperately - he said I was disgusting, I just wanted to deceive him” - he muttered, his face red.<br/>
“I don't know which one of you is more idiot.”<br/>
“Is Kiyoomi engaged? - he jumped up agitated – “with a man? No right?”<br/>
Oikawa sat him back down, giggling – “you're lucky, he's free at the moment.”</p><p> </p><p>Relief flooded in Atsumu. He wanted to ask a million questions, but at the same time he wanted to run to Kiyoomi, tell him the whole truth. He was tracing the conversations he had with Pali-chan in his mind, had it really been him the whole time?</p><p>
  <em>What a sadistic manipulative bastard.</em>
</p><p>He thought again, not knowing whether to feel angry or happy. He had tricked him like an idiot, he was going to make him pay for that.<br/>
At the same time, however, he also wanted to ease the anxieties he must have injected in Kiyoomi because of his comments. How many times had he expressed certain inflated ideas? He was very ashamed just thinking about it.</p><p>But why had he never said anything to him? How should he start this conversation without making Kiyoomi?<br/>
How did he make him understand that it was really all fake and that he wasn't homophobic at all?</p><p>He turned to Oikawa, caught by an idea.<br/>
“But he really wears certain things?”<br/>
The other nodded – “Yes, and I think he'd rather die than tell anyone. That's why I'm there to do it in his place.”<br/>
“I want to buy him a complete underwear. Do you think he will like it?”<br/>
“Mph, of course yes, it's like his favorite hobby.”<br/>
“Do you know his, emm, sizes? What kind of bra does someone like Kiyoomi wear? I… well, I don't want to be offensive.”<br/>
Oikawa was laughing wickedly.<br/>
“Anything to embarrass Kiyoomi mortally. I know his sizes, come to the shop with me. Choose the model you like best”</p><p>Slip, thong, thong, culottes? Which one of these? Atsumu’s cheeks reddened as he pictured a thong on Omi. He was forced to take a breath. Was he really wearing certain things?</p><p>
  <em>Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. I want to see it, I want to see it right away.</em>
</p><p>He was running too fast, they still had to solve, a few days before he had punched him and shouted at him he was a shitty person!<br/>
“Some of them are very expensive, you sure you can afford them? Kiyoomi doesn't often buy from me for the prices, although he would like to.”<br/>
Atsumu still had a red face.<br/>
“Do you really think he'd like it?”<br/>
“I think he would be very happy - Oikawa said - he is like a child at Christmas when he enters the shop, he is usually always sulky, but lingerie is his passion, he devotes time and money to it, and how to blame him? Intimate suits are art.”<br/>
“Give me the most expensive you have.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu had mulled over everything that had happened for the rest of the day. He had re-read the conversations with Pali-chan from the beginning, trying to understand and asked the guys he met at the bar for more informations.</p><p>It was Kiyoomi for sure. He didn’t even know how come he hadn’t noticed the disproportionate similarity between the two in terms of tastes, interests and acid responses. Pali-chan was clearly Kiyoomi, and his messages were real flirts, declarations, proposals!<br/>
He was flirting with him, he was sure of it.</p><p>Does he like me maybe? I don't have to take it for granted just because he's gay.</p><p>Instead he was already doing it. The biggest obstacle seemed to have been passed and he couldn't wait to see Omi and talk to him. He would tell him again that he loved him.<br/>
However, there was a lot of information there that did not match what Atsumu seemed to know.<br/>
Pali-chan was poor, a student who struggled from morning to night to pay for university fees and the apartment.<br/>
Atsumu knew that Kiyoomi came from a wealthy family, so he had no idea how that was possible. Was this the reason for his constant tiredness, his dark circles? He knew that Kiyoomi was Washio’s assistant, but he never talked about it and if he really had suffered such harassment, he was not aware of it.</p><p>
  <em>He also passed out.</em>
</p><p>Why hadn't he told him certain things in person?</p><p> </p><p>Another big difference was Pali-chan's mischievous streak, teasing him, taking over and provoking him. He couldn't know that side of Kiyoomi, but he was incredulous that he was really capable of saying certain things. Thinking about it made him blush, especially because of the unchaste messages they had exchanged.</p><p> </p><p>And the underwear issue. He couldn't deny himself that it was a weird one. He couldn't imagine Kiyoomi trying on panties, folding them, or wearing them normally. It was so weird trying to imagine him buying certain clothes, and it made him feel weird. Still, he couldn't care less.<br/>
For him Kiyoomi could also dress entirely as a woman or choose to tattoo two fake boobs on his chest, he really loved him, he has for years.</p><p>He looked at the bag where the lingerie he had bought for him was. He wondered if he would like it. He had never bought underwear even for a woman, and he never expected that the first purchase of that kind would be for a man.<br/>
He rang the bell, hoping to find him this time.</p><p>Kiyoomi opened the door with an exhausted expression. He was home earlier, he had messy black hair and pajamas.<br/>
“Atsumu - he murmured in amazement - why are you here?”</p><p>This one went in, continuing to his room.<br/>
“I have to talk to you, but I don't know where to start.”<br/>
Sakusa nodded. “Me too.”<br/>
Atsumu wanted to get him out of that clutter, so he started as soon as they reached the bedroom and he had stripped off his jacket.<br/>
“I know everything.”<br/>
“What.”<br/>
“I know about the place where you work, I know that er - he reflected on how to continue - that you like… boys? And I know about, about that, about that thing, the underwear thing.”<br/>
Kiyoomi was frozen in the position he was in, like a robot. His gaze was blank as he stared at him.<br/>
Atsumu reflected that the best way to continue was to give him the bag.<br/>
“I also know that Pali-chan was you, all the time. Here, this is for you.”<br/>
Kiyoomi looked at the bag with that blank, worrying look. He took it, and Atsumu noticed that his hand was shaking.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi was feeling sick, he was sure that the sudden greenish color of his face was visible to Atsumu too.<br/>
He pulled the underwear suit out of the envelope, feeling as miserable as never in his entire life.<br/>
Not even when his father came to tell him he would never accept such a child, he felt so humiliated, so mocked.<br/>
Maybe it was because Atsumu was smiling like a jerk, or because he had had to listen too many times to his caustic comments on certain subjects, but he seriously thought about committing murder.</p><p> </p><p>“You're having fun, aren't you?”<br/>
“Eh?”<br/>
Kiyoomi punched Atsumu, knocking him into the bookcase.<br/>
“You're the one who sucks - he blurted out, furious as Atsumu had never seen him.<br/>
“Do you think taking the piss is funny? You better get out of my sight, because I've been boxing since I was eight and it takes me a second to mess your fucking face.”<br/>
Atsumu was speechless and slowly pulled himself up, wiping the blood from his lip.<br/>
“Omi, I’m not making fun of you!”<br/>
“Get out.”<br/>
“No! You have to listen to me.”<br/>
“I don't owe you anything. You have insulted, humiliated and offended me in every possible way lately, and now this! And all this for what? Did you think I was going to make you suck me off or put on a thong? My life does not revolve around you, it is my body, my inclinations!”</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu realized he had upset him. He had never seen him so agitated and out of his mind. He felt like shit realizing that all his comments had made a strong person like Kiyoomi so vulnerable and insecure about such an important and personal matter. He should have avoided starting that way.</p><p> </p><p>He grabbed the bra from his hand, waving the price in front of him “Omi! Did you even read the price? Do you really think I'd spend this boatload of money to fool you?”<br/>
“Yes you would.. Go away, I'm seriously pissed off.”<br/>
“You say about me, but do you think you behaved better? You've been tricking me for months, chatting with me and pretending to be a girl! You let me find that thong and kept watching me trudge like I was an idiot.”<br/>
“You are an idiot! I warned you to stop looking for that girl, but you didn't listen to me, so it's not my problem if you were looking for a vagina and found a penis! Apparently, Pali-chan isn't smart enough not to be a pervert.”<br/>
He barked, visibly hurt by that memory.</p><p>Atsumu winced and looked guilty.<br/>
“I only said it so that you would believe it.”<br/>
“Believe what?”<br/>
“That I'm not… disgusting.”<br/>
“What are you blabbing about? Did the punch I gave you killed your brain?”<br/>
Atsumu clenched his fists.<br/>
“Two years wasted like this, pining, when I had a chance. If only you told me you were on the other side ...”<br/>
Kiyoomi was about to throw him out the window.<br/>
“Insult me again, and I swear…”</p><p>Atsumu cut him off.<br/>
“What the fuck Omi! Don't you remember when we kissed?”<br/>
Kiyoomi’s face went from the blackest anger to a completely bewildered expression.<br/>
“I knew it, I hit you too hard.”<br/>
Before he could ask another question, he received a punch from Atsumu.<br/>
“You're an asshole! And an idiot! Fuck, why do you drink if you can't stand alcohol?”<br/>
Kiyoomi was flabbergasted as he stroked his bruised cheek.<br/>
“I'll kill you.”<br/>
“Don’t you remember New Year's Eve two years ago? We were drunk in my house, and we kissed. I kissed you!”<br/>
“That’s not true.”<br/>
“It is! Do you think I could ever forget the first kiss with the guy who broke my heart? I talked with Pali-chan about the person who hurt me, so you should know.”<br/>
Kiyoomi run a hand on his face.<br/>
“I ... what ... “<br/>
“We kissed, I kissed you because I felt something for you. And you dodged me and the word "disgusting" came out of your mouth, as well as a pile of vomit” - he murmured, sulking.</p><p>Sakusa remembered absolutely none of this.<br/>
“You’re inventing it. I swear that if you're still bullshitting me ...”</p><p>Atsumu slammed his phone into Sakusa’s hand, the same phone that he always forbade him to touch because it was "full of porn images".</p><p>“You are not the only one who has questionable fixarions - he began - photographing you is my obsession.”</p><p>Kiyoomi looked at him without understanding. He looked down at Atsumu’s phone. There was a folder full of hundreds of pictures of him, a disproportionate number, all taken without him knowing. Kiyoomi stared at them in amazement, open-mouthed, not knowing whether to feel violated, offended, happy, flattered, upset. Maybe it was all those things together.<br/>
“I also have some blow-ups - Atsumu murmured - and a pillow with your face that I threw away. So if there's one of us that's gross here, it's me.”<br/>
“How did you dare to photograph me?” He barked, very embarrassed.<br/>
Atsumu looked incredibly repentant.<br/>
“’M sorry, it was the only way to look at you the way I wanted to.”<br/>
Kiyoomi felt his hand shake.<br/>
“I don't understand.”<br/>
“When I kissed you and you answered me that way, I was so sad, I had never felt so rejected. I knew it wasn't your fault, because what I had done was really unseemly and reckless.<br/>
I desperately hoped to make you believe that in reality I was just drunk, that I did not agree with gays at all, to hide everything - he lowered his head - I said all that fake shit, seriously, I swear.<br/>
I am the first to be like this! I didn't know what to do, I was afraid of losing you.<br/>
This girl seemed like a way out, and when I heard you fucked her I ... I didn’t know what hurted me more, that you lied to me, or that she stole you from me.” - he muttered, rubbing one of his eyes.</p><p>Kiyoomi wanted to reach out and touch Atsumu, but he still didn't feel it at all, it seemed to him one of those senseless dreams that always ended with sex and he didn't want to break it. He didn't know if that was really the case, but he hoped.</p><p>“Are you saying you had a crush on me twice?”<br/>
And he found himself smiling.<br/>
“Don't make that fucking grin! Yes, and you have mortally wounded me twice!”<br/>
Kiyoomi didn't remember that New Year at all. Was he really the person Atsumu had told him about on chat?</p><p>“You know that when I said "disgusting" I was probably referring to myself, right? Otherwise I wouldn't have turned you down.”</p><p>Atsumu lost a heartbeat of joy, then thought more about that sentence and looked up.<br/>
“Why?”<br/>
“Because that's what my dad called me, before he cut my funds, and the people I dated in high school when they knew I was gay, and even a guy I was with, when he found out I wore women's lingerie from time to time. You can't tell me that this seems normal to you. You can't tell me it's not gross, ridiculous…”</p><p>Atsumu sniffed and grabbed Kiyoomi’s face from his cheeks, placing his lips on Omi’s. The last memory he had of those lips was watered down, but now he could feel them perfectly, soft, smooth, slightly ruined where he had punched him.<br/>
He walked over to him and pressed his face against Omi. He was surprised when he heard Kiyoomi reciprocate, he was sure he would dodge.<br/>
Atsumu wrapped his arms around his back and touched Kiyoomi’s with his tongue. Kiyoomi reacted strangely, confused and moaned.</p><p> </p><p>“There is nothing disgusting about you ... - Atsumu whispered to the edge of his lips, and then gently reunite that contact - I love you as you are” he continued to whisper, pressing against those lips.<br/>
Kiyoomi made it difficult for him to speak, crushing Atsumu against himself, taking the lead.<br/>
Atsumu found himself lying on the ground, with his friend on top of him giving him no rest.</p><p>Sakusa would have liked to continue, he was hard, but he couldn't. they still had a lot to say to each other, it was all happening too fast.<br/>
Atsumu was used to the curvy and slender bodies of girls, he didn't want to risk ruining all that by undressing. Atsumu on the other hand seemed to frustrate his intentions. He had always known that it was impossible for him to contain his emotions and enthusiasm, but Kiyoomi found himself embarrassed when he felt Atsumu’s erection press against his leg.<br/>
He pretended not to notice, he wouldn't make the first step, as he was pretty sure Atsumu had never been with a man.<br/>
He didn't even know how long they stayed kissing, it still wasn’t enough for both of them.</p><p> </p><p>When Atsumu pulled away, his lips were red and shiny.<br/>
“You're not disgusting Omi. You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen, nothing could be gross on you, you are just perfect.”<br/>
“Flatterhead - he muttered - you are diabetic.”<br/>
Atsumu took it as a compliment.<br/>
“Could you show me the outfit? I asked Oikawa-san your sizes.”<br/>
“What?! - he blurted out, blushing - when did you meet him?”<br/>
“I passed where you work.”</p><p>Kiyoomi’s mouth hanged agape, he sighed in exasperation.<br/>
“I can't believe it.”<br/>
“Me neither. I didn't know what to do. But you like these things, don't you? It was to apologize for all the racist bullshit I said, and to think it was all fake.”</p><p>Kiyoomi looked down at the soft red bra and lace thong. The price was exorbitant, he knew that model. He ran a hand over his face.<br/>
“You didn't have to buy me anything and especially not this!”<br/>
Atsumu looked like a kicked puppy.</p><p>“You don’t like it? You can change it, I tried to choose according to your tastes, but it's not that I know them. And then it’s not like I understand something.”<br/>
“Doesn’t this seem gross to you? You don’t think I'm a depraved?<br/>
Kiyoomi hadn’t the courage to look him in the eyes.<br/>
“Omi it’s just clothes, what's wrong with that? You don't force others to wear them.”<br/>
Kiyoomi faintly blushed.<br/>
“I really like it.” he commented, looking at those two pieces with a grateful expression.<br/>
Atsumu jumped at that satisfied look, and his throat tightened at how beautiful the other was.<br/>
“Really?”<br/>
“Yup. I'll treat you to onigiris so we'll be even.” he muttered.<br/>
“Why don’t you show me how it suits you?”<br/>
“No!”<br/>
“Why not?”<br/>
“Because accepting and liking are two different things. Atsumu you are used to girls' bodies, curvy, soft, smooth. I am a male, it is grotesque on me compared to them.”<br/>
Atsumu crossed his arms.<br/>
“You’re so fucking paranoid. Did you understand or not that I have photographed everyday in the last years?”<br/>
Kiyoomi put a hand on Atsumu’s chest, pushing him away.<br/>
“Okay, but I can't. I don’t feel comfortable and you are forcing the situation.”<br/>
Atsumu pouted.<br/>
“Okay, I'm not going to insist today. But I just want to tell you that just seeing that picture of you from behind in a bra almost made me hard right away. There's nothing I couldn't like on you.”<br/>
Kiyoomi’s ears turned very red.<br/>
“Geez you are even more cheesy than in the chat.”<br/>
Atsumu approached him.<br/>
“Yes, and you fake aloof just like in chat. Now can I kiss you again or will you make me do another endless treasure hunt? God, no girl has ever given me as many problems as you!”<br/>
“Don't blame me now! If you hadn't been so busy copulating with every girl in the campus, maybe we could have avoided all this trouble.”<br/>
“What? You rejected me, what was I supposed to? Jerk off on you?”<br/>
Kiyoomi growled.<br/>
“I did not reject you, you made up a whole magical story in your head of rejection, betrayal and abandonment, you did it all by yourself, only an imbecile can take the words of a drunk for serious.”<br/>
“Don't call me an idiot! You are the control freak who pretended to be a girl just to stalk me and make me pay.”<br/>
“B-but… that was supposed to be a joke!”<br/>
“A joke? Tsk, you even asked me for a dick pic.”</p><p>Kiyoomi was horrified, and Atsumu laughed.<br/>
“To think I’d have sent it to you if you hadn't written you were joking. Anyway, I want you to tell me everything.”<br/>
Sakusa looked out the window, noticing that it was dark.<br/>
“It's late, I have to go to work soon.”<br/>
Atsumu seemed suddenly sad.<br/>
“But I have to ask you a million things. We have to talk, I want to know how you feel about me, I want to hear it! And then ...”<br/>
“We'll talk about this in the morning.”<br/>
“What?! No! What the hell, you can't interrupt this moment! Y-you're killing the most romantic moment of my life.”<br/>
Kiyoomi gave him another kiss to shut him up.<br/>
“I promise you we'll talk, I'm not running anywhere”<br/>
He reassured him, smiling at the other's dreamy expression – “But I have to go to work now. And I have to murder some people.”<br/>
He stood up, but Atsumu grabbed his wrist.<br/>
“Can I wait for you and sleep here?”<br/>
He asked excitedly. Kiyoomi tried to hide his startled expression but felt a strong throb in his throat.<br/>
“What are you saying ...”<br/>
“Come on, just for tonight.”</p><p>He sighed to hide his embarrassment.<br/>
“Okay, wait for me, we'll talk when I get back.”<br/>
Atsumu stood up and hugged him, unable to contain himself, squeezing him against himself. Kiyoomi wasn’t used to those effusions at all, he wanted to reciprocate, but it was all too sudden. He was grateful to be able to go to work, he had to recover for a moment, reflect on that situation and rework. The blond pulled the thong with onigiris out of his backpack.</p><p> </p><p>“It looks like I finally found you!”<br/>
He waved it in front of his smug eyes.<br/>
“Tsk, only an idiot like you can be happy about finding a man instead of a girl.”<br/>
Atsumu wanted to kiss him again.<br/>
“Well, a prince. An asshole prince, but let it be.”<br/>
Kiyoomi would have liked to be able to hide that unreasonably happy expression better.<br/>
“I’m going to work. Look in my drawers and I'll strangle you with this bra. And please, don't take weird pictures. We need to talk about this photo thing for a moment, seriously.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>'M sorry for all the mistakes, I know there are some. I'll try to fix them asap. It's two in the morning here and I have my finals waiting for me.<br/>I don't know if I'll upload a new chapter any time soon since it has so little audience, I'll try however to finish this bc I really love my dorks.<br/>XOXO</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter three.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Atsumu and Kiyoomi have to deal with their freshly relationship.<br/>Will they be able to meet their differences?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-Kiyoomi, you’re quite distracted. </p><p>His coworker’s voice startled him. He turned to look at him, pleased by the writing on his forehead "I'm a jerk" that he had applied after a long rant about not talking about his business to the first weird guy who showed up at the club. Now he would have to wear it all evening. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Atsumu was really waiting for him at home. He didn't want to go back but at the same time he also wanted to go back.</p><p>At first, he was caught up in the moment, but now he was, how to say, not scared, no, he was <em>slightly </em>agitated. </p><p>What would they talk about? What did Atsumu want to know? As Pali-chan he had revealed to him rather unmentionable aspects of his life, including his money status. He kept mulling over those questions.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Was Atsumu waiting for him to do something in particular? With any other man he would have thought so, but with Atsumu you could never tell. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>I should say no to him in that case. He certainly has no idea what that means, and then he certainly won't want to bottom.</em>
</p><p><br/>
He pushed away the discussion of roles for a moment, unable at that moment to imagine a conversation like that. <br/>
-Ehm, Kiyoomi, how much vodka are you adding to that drink? <br/>
He stopped the bottle, startled, and looked up to contemplate the place and its fauna. <br/>
Atsumu was straight, what the hell was he thinking? Was he really fixating on sex? The first real obstacle was even just undressing. He had avoided putting on his usual underwear to go to work, fearing that he would be undressed later. <br/>
Perhaps Atsumu went mad? Maybe he didn't understand anything. People didn't go gay out of the blue. </p><p><br/>
<em>Why do they have to do these things in public? Don't be a fag now!</em>
</p><p><br/>
He tried not to think about it, reminding himself that Atsumu was just pretending. He wasn't serious. <br/>
-So, why don’t you tell us how it went with that blondie? - Oikawa asked harshly - did you like the outfit? <br/>
-I'll shave you down next time you dare to do something like that. <br/>
Oikawa smiled crookedly - mph, please, I bet you couldn't keep it in your pants as happy as you were. And you should thank me. <br/>
-Thank you? Couldn't you just tell him I had an interest? Why get to talk about what I wear under my clothes? <br/>
He shrugged, sipping a shot - to annoy you? Instead of talking about this, tell me how it went. <br/>
Kiyoomi didn't want to talk about it and went to serve another customer.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe Atsumu had let himself be influenced, maybe once he got home, he would find out that he had second thoughts about it. He seemed convinced, but he easily got excited. Maybe he was just curious, tired of being dumped by women. <br/>
For the first time the hours of work flew by, perhaps because he did not want to go home in any way.</p><p> <br/>
<em>What should I tell him? Should I ask him out together? I'm not used to these things, and with him it is certainly even stranger. My very few relationships started with sex, but that's not the case. </em></p><p><br/>
Was he really bothering for someone who had been convinced for years that the unicorn was a real animal? Atsumu was a rather dull person, instinctive, simple, he didn't have to think too much about his behavior. After all, the two of them adapted to situations. </p><p><br/>
When he left the place, it was later than usual. The phone marked three, there was a message from Atsumu asking him how soon he would be back. <br/>
Kiyoomi made his way back exasperating slowly, despite the February chill and fatigue. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't be a coward now.</em>
</p><p>Atsumu’s unpredictability was sometimes a torment. He went back into the house trying to move silently. The corridor was dark. </p><p>- Better late than ever asshole! - Atsumu snapped, coming out of the room wearing only boxers and a T-shirt - I was about to fall asleep. </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps he had fallen asleep a little, because his blond hair was ruffled and his eyes were slightly dull. </p><p>Kiyoomi took a moment to observe the tight boxers and the prominent bulge sticking out, then the muscular, amber legs. </p><p>He tried to be subtle as he took that x-ray. </p><p>-Oh, so you stayed. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu was immediately offended - of course! Now don't tell me you're too tired to talk, because I've been waiting for hours. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyomi took off his shoes, left them at the entrance and took off his jacket - let me put on my pajamas at least. </p><p> </p><p>When he passed in front of the door, Atsumu took him by the side, pulling him close and kissing him. </p><p>Kiyoomi stiffened. </p><p>-You don't smell like alcohol, can I hope you're sober this time? </p><p>-Don't say it like I’m an alcoholic. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu resumed kissing him, and Kiyoomi felt the tension ease a little. It was true, it was all true. He was kissing Atsumu, and he looked calm, happy, he didn't look disgusted or hesitant, he was quite casual. </p><p> </p><p>-You smell of smoke though - he protested on the edge of his lips, without opening his eyes. </p><p>- You'll have to get used to it. I’m gonna go changing. </p><p>He picked up his nondescript, colorless dark blue pajamas and slipped into the bathroom. When he returned to the room, he found Atsumu lying on his bed, writing on his phone. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Who the hell are you texting to at this hour?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>As soon as he noticed Kiyoomi, he sat up, smiling</p><p>- Come here.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Kiyoomi was slightly annoyed at how the latter had casually hidden his phone. Besides, who could write him at half past three in the morning if not a girl? </p><p><br/>
Atsumu pulled him by the arm - so Pali-chan, shall we start with the easy questions, or the difficult ones? <br/>
- You're making me want to go back to work. <br/>
He sat down on the bed beside him. The room was dark, but there was some light from the street lamps beneath her window. <br/>
-What should we talk about? <br/>
- Tell me about the dance. <br/>
Kiyoomi immediately put on an extremely reluctant expression. He tried to be vague about it, but Atsumu began to insist in that annoying way of his, waving his arms like a convulsing monkey.</p><p> <br/>
-I got stuck in my thong, I left it to escape from you. <br/>
The other had laughed for ten minutes, risking his life and getting punched in the head. The image of this clumsy Kiyoomi had warmed his heart. </p><p><br/>
- Laugh as much as you like. Why don't we talk about these photos instead? <br/>
Atsumu was immediately immobilized, without daring to breathe. <br/>
-How long have you been taking them secretly? <br/>
-Not much ... <br/>
The serious look of the other had made him sigh - for three years.</p><p> <br/>
Kiyoomi had to admit he was amazed - did you really print them? <br/>
Atsumu nodded shyly - up until two days ago they covered my room, but I pulled them all off when I thought you fucked Pali-chan. </p><p><br/>
Now he was slightly worried - so your room was full of my photos? <br/>
Atsumu didn't have the courage to look at him.</p><p>- I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have, but I love photographing you. There are times when you think no one is looking at you where you are wonderfully relaxed and spontaneous, I had to. Sorry, I know it's a super creepy stalker thing. </p><p><br/>
Their fingers were intertwined on the bed, Kiyoomi didn't even know when it happened - it's not creepy, nothing is creepier than you eating the fourth onigiri in a row - he said - but I’m not too happy to be photographed when I don't notice it. <br/>
He was trying to be nice, but that story absolutely had to end. Although part of him was extremely flattered by that news. </p><p><br/>
Atsumu nodded a little disappointed - do you want me to throw the pictures? <br/>
-I would like to see them - he admitted and suppressed a laugh when Atsumu made a reluctant expression - I had to expose myself with the underwear story. I expect the same. I know you always have your camera with you. <br/>
Atsumu was sweating - come on, I don't want to. <br/>
Kiyoomi reached out of the bed to look for Atsumu’s backpack.</p><p>He felt Atsumu try to pull him back - Omi! Come on, please don't! </p><p><br/>
He pulled out his camera, the only item that received "special" treatment from him. Everything else was lost and broken within a maximum of a month, such as clothes, phones, university books.</p><p> <br/>
He crossed his legs and began scrolling through the photos, smacking a hand in Atsumu’s face to push him away, as he was trying to steal it from him. <br/>
The photos really looked like those of a killer maniac, images of his room, of his writing, of him. </p><p>Maybe Kiyoomi should have felt unsettled and hunted, but he felt a completely different emotion. He didn't see a destructive obsession in those photos, but affection. They were funny images, like when he fell asleep in class and buried his head in his arms. </p><p><br/>
<em>Do I really make certain faces sometimes? </em>
</p><p><br/>
He was embarrassed, but he also felt… wanted? Beloved? He couldn't say for sure. <br/>
And beyond the subject, the images were really beautiful. The lights and colors, he was not an expert and could not explain why, but they had something fascinating. </p><p><br/>
Atsumu abruptly took his camera back - and cut it out! He muttered, his face now reaching very high shades of red. <br/>
-You take beautiful photos, but you should vary the subjects - he commented with a half-smile - you don't have to delete them. You can keep them and if you don't get caught, you can also take more. But don't show them to a soul and don't print them anymore. </p><p><br/>
Atsumu nodded obediently and relieved.</p><p>- Can I ask you another question? <br/>
Kiyoomi yawned, covering his mouth - you will ask me anyway, so go ahead. <br/>
-You feel something for me, right? I mean you like me, it’s not like you're just aiming for my body or something? </p><p>I never thought that someone could aim at me just for this, but you are gay, so, I am seen as a sort of prey maybe in the gay world, I don't know, I have always considered myself as a predator. Also, are we together? I've been mulling over it all evening and I honestly don't know. If you had been a girl, I think I would have been very confused, but since it's you, I'm even more confused. </p><p>I don't know how it works between homosexuals, like I have to ask you out, or would that be gay? I mean, not gay in that sense, in the sense of… well you understood. I didn't mean this, pretend I didn't say it. </p><p>In short, we are together, or I have to court you first and… - he had entered into a confused conversation and did not know how to continue. </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Kiyoomi was relieved that Atsumu was always the usual rude, rough and tactless idiot, shooting senseless and confused sentences, yelling assumptions and nonsense statements that surely must have some sense in his head. </p><p>Seems like he was worried for nothing.<br/>
-Atsumu, what the fuck are you saying. <br/>
-God do I have to repeat it all over again? I had been preparing this question for hours. <br/>
He ran a hand over his face - didn't you just say something like "I've loved you for years"? <br/>
Atsumu scratched the back of his neck - yes, yeah, that's right. That's why I'm asking you. <br/>
- Did I refuse you by any chance? <br/>
-No ... <br/>
-Then you have your answer. <br/>
He didn't seem in the least satisfied</p><p>- Omi, don't think you can fool me this way! <br/>
-You are the one fooling you. <br/>
He leaned forward, putting his arms on Kiyoomi’s sides - seriously, how do you feel about me? <br/>
- I've had feelings for you for a long time - he said coldly, completely unable to make such a confession that was even heartfelt. </p><p><br/>
The other, however, seemed satisfied with that answer. In all of this he had got closer and now they were sitting opposite each other with their legs entangled. </p><p>Kiyoomi could feel his bare skin against his, and despite being a very controlled person, he struggled to bring his attention back to his friend. Atsumu didn't seem willing to lose physical contact too. </p><p><br/>
-Can I continue with the questions? <br/>
-If you can articulate a good one, yes. <br/>
-How long have you known that you like guys? <br/>
-Since I was fourteen I think, but I got confirmation at sixteen - he glanced at him - you? <br/>
Atsumu blinked - you're the only guy I've ever cared about. </p><p>He leaned out again, looking languidly at him for a kiss. Kiyoomi indulged him, approaching him and stroking his lips with a sigh. As the kiss got more impatient Atsumu got closer to him. He felt his hands on his back searching for something. </p><p>Kiyoomi pulled off - if you're looking for my bra, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't wear it under my pajamas. </p><p>Atsumu realized he'd put him back on the defensive - sorry, I was curious. </p><p> </p><p>Sakusa didn’t seem comfortable anymore - I don't want to talk about it now. </p><p>The blond nodded, reluctantly- so tell me what's going on with your life? Are you having money problems? </p><p>- No. </p><p>-Don't bullshit me now. </p><p>The black eyes gave him a clear warning to stop - it's nothing I can't handle alone. </p><p>-But ... </p><p>-Atsumu - he said calmly, but with a firm tone - you can't do anything in any case. Let's close the topic. </p><p> </p><p>The friend was clearly offended </p><p>-So, I can't ask you anything about your money or your bras. </p><p>- What is there to know about my bras? – Kiyoomi replied, offended. </p><p>The blond got cross-legged on the bed</p><p>- How long have you been wearing them? </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi sighed - let's say for a few years. </p><p>Atsumu scratched his head, glancing at him embarrassed - do you get excited wearing them? </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Rude. He’s an idiot.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>-No - he replied bored - I like to wear them, but it's not that I get excited. </p><p>Atsumu was slightly nervous. His face looked even darker in the dim light and his eyes looked black. He touched the back of Kiyoomi’s hand with a finger, and then intertwined it with his again. </p><p> </p><p>-I won't look for your bra, so ... can I touch you a little bit? </p><p>The Uchiha raised an eyebrow and missed a heartbeat. Why the hell did he ask for permission? </p><p>-Go ahead. </p><p>Atsumu’s lips distracted him. They were meatier than his, pleasant when they weren't busy letting out some shouted bullshit. </p><p>Atsumu had so many defects but he <em>did</em>know how to kiss<em>. </em></p><p> </p><p>He felt the other's hands rest on his hips, under the shirt, and brush against his milky skin. His hips weren't exactly soft or full, far from it, so he didn't exactly understand why the blond was lingering on that point so much. He soon realized that Atsumu had no idea where to touch him, he had gone straight under his shirt, but suddenly stopped, undecided. His fingers were very hot, maybe it was Kiyoomi, who still had the cold of the evening on him, but those fingertips seemed incandescent. </p><p>The hazel eyes slowly slid down between Kiyoomi’s legs. His pants had a distinct bulge. </p><p>Atsumu cautiously stroke him through the fabric, rubbing his hand. </p><p>- I've always wanted to see your penis. </p><p> </p><p>Why did he have to talk and kill every bit of excitement? </p><p>-I understand why all those girls dumped you. </p><p>-Hey, you're bad. If I could, I'd even take a picture of your pe - but he broke off at the other's murderous look. </p><p>Kiyoomi too placed his hand between the other's legs, over the pulled boxers. Atsumu’s erection filled his palm through the fabric. Atsumu wailed and bent down to kiss him frantically, Kiyoomi returned the kiss and lay down, narrowing his eyes. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
 </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>♥</p><p> </p><p> <br/>
A month had passed since the beginning of that eccentric relationship, four weeks of love, cuddles, declarations… no, of course not. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi went in full "ghost boyfriend" mode, that’s how Atsumu called him. </p><p>The ghost boyfriend is an absolutely useless and unsatisfactory type of boyfriend, it’s useful just to say "I have a boyfriend" without being able to take advantage of the benefits of being engaged. </p><p>This was the kind of relationship Atsumu was having, a relationship with the air basically, or with the phone, or with his boyfriend who was more dead than alive due to the workload and study. </p><p>In short, they didn’t have enough time to evolve the situation sufficiently. </p><p>Things had remained pretty unchanged, they dined together, teased each other with unrefined epithets, studied - no, only Kiyoomi did that - and sat side by side in the classroom. </p><p>They basically did the same things they did before getting together; however, there were some more elements that Atsumu appreciated very much and he never missed opportunities to point them out; first of all, kisses, kissing Omi was a dream come true, and he still had to recover, he still had to accept that it was true. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu always tried to snatch a kiss from him, but Kiyoomi didn't allow it that often. In fact, the ghost boyfriend is cold and detached by nature, just like a soul from the other world, even if in honestly Kiyoomi had his reasons to do so. </p><p>They still hadn't been able to talk about how to manage their relationship in public, Atsumu wasn't particularly worried about people knowing it, although perhaps it could be a problem for his father career. </p><p>Kiyoomi, on the other hand, was strongly contrary to let people know, so he had forbidden him any kind of effusion in public places - perhaps because in reality the ghost boyfriend cannot exist in public places - this was another Atsumu theory. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Another added element to their relationship was the <em>sexual tension</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu had never felt so much sexual tension in his life, it seemed to him one of those unsatisfactory and cheesy movies where the protagonists never fuck and when they finally do it you don't even see half a nipple. </p><p> </p><p>Here, that kind of unsustainable sexual tension, longed for and never satisfied. Because even ghost boyfriends have sexual desire, despite trying to hide it. </p><p>The looks between him and Kiyoomi in the library or at lunch overflowed desire in an embarrassing way, at least according to Suna. <br/>
- Not even in a book for horny girls there is so much unresolved sexual tension. Do something about it. </p><p><br/>
First said than done. </p><p>Atsumu too was tired of using his hand. </p><p>They no longer broached the sex issue, nor they gotten to touch each other again. Kiyoomi was constantly busy between study, work and being Washio’s slave, so they never had much time, if not a few hours to study together, so it's not like sex was a priority at the moment, since they couldn't do it anyway. </p><p>But he had to find a way to get rid of that shoujo manga look every time he looked at Kiyoomi. <br/>
In the end, in order to be able to spend more time with him, he had begged him to go to the club with him when he was on duty. And guess what? The ghost boyfriend told him no. <br/>
-I work, Miya, I wouldn’t have time to pay attention to you anyway, use those moments to study instead. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>He already knew that Kiyoomi was a difficult person, but his serious behavior only lit Atsumu’s desire. <br/>
-So, you're going to the pub tonight? – Suna asked with a beer in his hands. <br/>
-He can’t ignore me if I go there - he replied slyly. <br/>
The friend laughed - calm down, I wasn't accusing you. So, are you sleeping with him tonight? <br/>
- I don't know. Because I feel bad if he collapses again, I know it's not his fault, but I really suck at it if he even fell asleep. <br/>
Suna rested his face on the table - but you know how it works, between men I mean? <br/>
-I have obviously informed. <br/>
-With what? <br/>
-Porn. <br/>
That was exactly what Suna feared - and? <br/>
- I understood what I have to do, I have to prepare him using lube, then when he’s ready I can put it in and at that point I have to find the prostate. But I’d like to do it when he's not tired, when we can relax. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Suna was smirking</p><p>- Tsumu, but why do you assume that he will be the one taking it? <br/>
The other's speechless expression was priceless. He looked at him as if he didn't understand the question, then began to rework - but he… he wears women's lingerie... <br/>
- So what? <br/>
The blond was seeing his certainties crumble - but what are you saying? I can't take it! <br/>
-Why? <br/>
-Because I'm afraid - he blurted out agitated – it’s painful! And what's the bullshit about the prostate? In my opinion it's an urban legend, it doesn't exist! <br/>
-As a medical graduate I assure you that the prostate exists ... <br/>
He wasn't listening to him - how the hell could I ever enjoy something that gets into my butt? <br/>
-So why do you think many men like it? <br/>
-How should I know? Some like to get whipped, it doesn't mean it's cool! <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Suna was having a great time - the anus is full of nerve endings…<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Atsumu was panicking and was draining his beer between agitated sentences - sometimes I thought about it, but when I tried it on my own it just hurt, at least as a top I know what to do, but in the other role ... I'm not capable, and what if he breaks my ass and I end up in the hospital? What will they say about my father? I'll ruin his next election and my life. </p><p><br/>
The friend was still laughing - well, I guess if Kiyoomi prefers to stay on top, that means he's experienced and will make sure you don't suffer. <br/>
Atsumu froze, paralyzed - experience? <br/>
-You didn't think he was a virgin, did you? <br/>
-But ... </p><p><br/>
-Kiyoomi-kun knows he's gay since he was sixteen, right? Maybe even before, and he's been working in a gay bar for two, how can you think he hasn't had experiences? <br/>
The other had suddenly darkened - why did you have to make me think about it? <br/>
-Now why are you depressed? You too have had your experiences. <br/>
-But only with girls. <br/>
-Exactly, think how anxious he can be about something like that, you're used to have sex with women, and he's a man. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes right now. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Atsumu sighed - I love him, everything about him drives me crazy, he has nothing to fear - he stole a sip of beer from Suna, since he had finished his own - if he really has experience as top then I really don't want to bottom. What if he makes comparisons? In addition to the pain in my ass, I also get the humiliation of being told I suck. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Suna felt like he was talking to a brat</p><p>- I think he realizes better than anyone that just because you have no experience with men he has to proceed very calmly. <br/>
Atsumu let out a cry of disappointment – Sunarin, I don't want to take it, seriously. <br/>
-For a matter of pride? <br/>
He rested his chin on the coffee table - no, I always lose pride with Kiyoomi. I mean, it does piss me off a little bit the idea of him having good and bad times with my body, but that's not the point. Honestly, it scares me, that's a too little hole and it's not made for things to fit in. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>-But you were all ready to do it with Omi! <br/>
-But it's different! I thought he liked it, that he was used to it. You must have a natural propensity for similar things, right? <br/>
Suna sighed - Your ideas are a little confused. Can I get you a book about it? <br/>
Only the word book horrified him - sorry what? I have to study too? But how complicated is gay sex? <br/>
-It is not, I just want to prevent you from being terrified by strange sites on the internet. However, if you are so averse to bottom, I'm sure Kiyoomi will understand. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Atsumu’s skeptical expression spoke for itself</p><p>- I don't understand where this security comes from. I've never seen Kiyoomi give in on anything. </p><p>- Yeah but the best thing you should do is talk to him about it. You are a couple now, communicate and compare. You will feel better after. <br/>
- Communicating is not really our thing, not like normal people do at least. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>He unlocked his phone to browse some information. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>Risks of anal sex. </em>
</p><p><br/>
What was that little voice telling him not to look? It was a familiar voice, very thin and weak. It had to be just his rationality. Better ignore it as usual. <br/>
After ten minutes of that reading, where he had gone from site to site to the dark and forgotten depths of the internet, he put the phone down on the table, sweating cold - Suna ... - he whimpered - what the hell is a rectal prolapse? SUNARIN.<br/>
  </p><p>♥</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi was hiding under the counter to grab some liquors. He thought about Atsumu and how he didn’t change his attitude with the girls at all. </p><p> </p><p>Yeah, he no longer fucked them, but he continued to go out with different women "as friends", to converse with them during classes, during breaks, outside the university, to text them, to be a gentleman when they were in line for coffee, making them pass by, and rumors kept going around him about that damn thong and about random adventures he was having. He did refuse the attention of the girls, but he wallowed in it. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu was a damn playboy. One of the worst types and Kiyoomi had run out of patience on that. </p><p>Telling him was out of the question, he would never give Atsumu so much power in the couple. </p><p> </p><p>Then Kiyoko Shimizu came. With her small voice, her shyness, the look of a lost child, she had immediately activated the instinct of the servant knight in Atsumu. </p><p>All Kiyoomi could think of was that the lingerie Atsumu gave him would look great on Kiyoko. </p><p> </p><p>The first time he faked to be her was to test him. It was Komori’s idea, as usual. When he asked him to go out, Atsumu declined very politely, writing that he was busy with another person. But he didn’t stop answering her messages. </p><p> </p><p>He got an order from a customer and while preparing the drink he thought about the first time he arrived at that place, as a simple customer, just to have a drink in a place where no one knew him. When Komori found out he was working there, he followed him. </p><p>He still remembered how many men tried to hit on him the first times and he didn’t want Atsumu to experience it too. That’s why he forbidden him to come, he had no desire to see other men hit on his boyfriend, their university friends were enough for him. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Wait a minute. He texted Shimizu that he was going to a pub. He's not coming here, is he? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-A martini. </p><p>Kiyoomi turned around, meeting two bright and amused hazel eyes - hi.</p><p> </p><p>Oikawa looked at the newcomer in surprise and greeted him - finally, I thought Omi had you locked up somewhere. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu had shown up at the club despite his warnings, and moreover dressed that way; he was wearing a bright orange skinny shirt and low-rise jeans that hugged his back perfectly. His blond hair was pulled back with gel and he looked ready to pick up rather than to meet his boyfriend. </p><p>- He forbade me to come. But I know he's actually glad I came, right Omi? </p><p> </p><p>- What the hell are you doing here? </p><p>Atsumu sat down on the stool - will you give me my martini or not? </p><p>- Since when have you been drinking martinis? </p><p>-I want to try it, can't I? </p><p>Oikawa poked his shoulder with his hand - so how did it go, did he like the outfit? Kiyoomi didn't want to tell me anything. </p><p>Atsumu smiled - he really liked it. Thanks for helping me choose. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi served him his damn drink, giving him cold looks - Atsumu go home. I can't keep up with you at work, I told you. </p><p>The blond was looking around at the customers of that place. It was really different in the evening, the lights were dim, dark, tending to violet. The music was louder, made for dancing. A man was clearly staring at Kiyoomi. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Of all the places where he could work ...</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>-I'll stay here, you don't have to talk to me. </p><p>Oikawa made him stand up - aw come on, forget it, meet the others - and he gave Kiyoomi a wicked look. </p><p> </p><p>Sakusa remained silent, hiding his irritation. He watched Atsumu surrounded by strangers. </p><p>Komori approached him - are you not going to save him? </p><p>He didn’t answer. </p><p>Despite everything, Atsumu didn't seem particularly uncomfortable. He had again that fallacious look. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>How the hell can he be so cocky?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Komori nodded to him - smoke a cigarette and say hello to your guy, I'll take care of it here. </p><p>Kiyoomi thanked him and walked out without even taking his jacket. Atsumu immediately extricated himself from the table and joined him outside. </p><p>The alley was deserted and sheltered from the wind, but it was still quite cold. </p><p>-Hey. Does it bother you so much that I came? </p><p>Kiyoomi lit a cigarette, inhaling the first puff. The tip glowed red in the dark of the evening - no, but stop being a bumblebee. </p><p>Atsumu rolled his eyes and laughed - you're jealous! </p><p>-No, I'm just annoyed by your behavior. </p><p> </p><p>The other took his hand, reached out to kiss him despite the smoke and Sakusa returned, sinking his lips into his. </p><p>-Can I wait for you to finish your shift and sleep with you? </p><p>Kiyoomi looked at those fingers, loosely intertwined with his own</p><p>- I’ll finish my shift late. </p><p>Atsumu smiled at him - not a problem. Please. </p><p>He nodded - okay. </p><p>And went back inside.<br/>
 <br/>
 <br/>
 </p><p>♥</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The cold evening enveloped them in a pungent embrace. They were slowly walking back even though they weren't exactly close to home. <br/>
Kiyoomi kept rubbing his eyes, he looked really exhausted and he also had an early alarm. </p><p>Atsumu couldn't take his eyes off the ground. He felt strangely disappointed. This wasn't exactly how he imagined things would go, he knew that Kiyoomi wasn't to blame for his schedule, but he kept keeping him at a distance.</p><p>Why? That made no sense at all. At least he wanted to be reassured that the lack of sex depended on commitments, not on him. </p><p><br/>
-Ne, Omi. <br/>
-What? <br/>
-Do you want to have sex with me? <br/>
Kiyoomi turned to look at him – what are you blabbing about now. <br/>
-Want it or not? Because when I tried an approach you fell asleep. <br/>
-I was exhausted! <br/>
-So that's a yes? It doesn't seem like you want to. <br/>
Kiyoomi glared at him - that's what I should ask you. <br/>
-What?! <br/>
-You haven't touched me since that time. <br/>
Atsumu opened his mouth - but why should I be the one to start? What are you, a woman? </p><p><br/>
He narrowly dodged a kick in the shins</p><p>- You're a jerk. Yes, you have to be the one to start, because you are the one with the confused sexual identity, not me. It's all in your fucking hands if you really want to know.</p><p> <br/>
-But what the hell does that mean? <br/>
-Atsumu you are straight, aren't you? <br/>
Hazel eyes darted across his face, surprised – and what does that have to do with this discussion? <br/>
- Have you ever been with a boy? <br/>
Atsumu snorted and shook his head. <br/>
-Have you ever at least been hard thinking about a guy? <br/>
-With you. <br/>
-You've never seen me naked anyway, maybe it would pass you. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Atsumu blinked - why do you have to say something like that? Do you think I don't even know when my cock can get hard and when not? Trust me Omi, that's the least of the problems, I'm more worried that I might come prematurely. </p><p><br/>
Kiyoomi had started walking again</p><p>- I want to see how excited you would be to find yourself in front of a man in women's underwear - he commented in a harsh voice, distancing himself from him. </p><p><br/>
Atsumu strode over to him</p><p>- I swear that if we're not having sex yet for your fucking paranoia, I'll fix it tonight. Wear what you like, even a tutu, you know how much I care! </p><p>Omi, I love you, seriously, don't make me say it so many times, I look seriously g- er, I really look like an idiot - he stretched out his arms, hugging Kiyoomi and bending his head between the hollow of his neck and his chin - even the smell of you drives me crazy, man. </p><p>How can you say certain things? I know you have a lot to do, but if it were up to me I'd do it now, here, on the street - he said, but Sakusa caught a moment of indecision in his voice. </p><p><br/>
-If you want, today I'll suck you off, so you can definitely convince yourself. <br/>
-How elegant - Kiyoomi commented, concealing the spark of excitement that had invaded his eyes for a moment. </p><p><br/>
Atsumu gently pulled him away from the hug - okay, let me rephrase it. I'll give you a fellatio, okay sir? Do you like this way of speaking more? - he said, annoyed - I was hoping that since you are a boy, I could avoid certain turns of phrase. <br/>
Kiyoomi grabbed his arm - I'll suck you, and then we'll go to sleep because I have to get up early tomorrow. <br/>
-Wha-, no, bastard I want to do something for you too! <br/>
-Have you ever given a blow job in your entire life? <br/>
-No, but how hard can it ever be? <br/>
Kiyoomi thought of those teeth devouring entire reserves of onigiri, but when he focused his gaze on the other's plump lips, he shivered with excitement. <br/>
-We'll see.<br/>
 </p><p>♥</p><p> <br/>
They went home kissing, the sexual tension seemed to have exploded in the doorway. Atsumu made it difficult for Kiyoomi to insert the key and open the apartment door, he kept kissing his ear and neck, opening his shirt slightly. <br/>
Kiyoomi kicked the door shut and Atsumu almost threw him on the ground. </p><p>Sakusa wrapped his arms behind the other one’s back and sank his tongue as his fingers came down to tighten on Atsumu’s buttocks. The smell of his cologne was muffled and mixed with that of alcohol and sweat. <br/>
Atsumu winced feeling those hands on his backside, but he didn't break the kiss. They reached the bedroom and Kiyoomi abruptly broke away. </p><p><br/>
-Omi ... - the man protested, trying to regain his lips again with his eyes closed. <br/>
-Sit down and shut up - the other ordered, pushing him onto the bed. </p><p><br/>
Atsumu obeyed, watching Kiyoomi kneel in front of him. He unbuckled his trousers and unzipped them, taking them off. </p><p>Atsumu lifted his pelvis and Sakusa hastily pulled his pants and boxers off. </p><p>He knew Atsumu wasn’t the demurest person in the world, far from it, so he expected him to be totally unashamed.</p><p>Kiyoomi took a few seconds to observe that penis he had wanted for years, and he was not disappointed, on the contrary he grinned seeing it hard already, tense in a spasmodic way. </p><p><br/>
-I told you those were useless worries - Atsumu muttered, suddenly embarrassed by the other's gaze. <br/>
Kiyoomi brushed the tip with his fingers, then rubbed them together and looked at the pre-come liquid.<br/>
- Eh, I know it's big - Atsumu commented satisfied. <br/>
-Mph – Kiyoomi commented silently, although he actually couldn’t deny it. <br/>
His pubic hair were tangled, but soft and Kiyoomi couldn't help but to touch them, as he wrote in the chat when he was still pretending to be Pali-chan. </p><p>Now he really could, and it was far more exciting than any fantasy. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>-Do you prefer if I’d shave it? - Atsumu asked, puzzled and embarrassed.</p><p><br/>
He began to slowly slide his hand on the shaft and brought his face closer - no, I like them - he murmured with his lips a few millimeters from his erection. </p><p>The hot breath sent a shiver to the other and he squeezed his fingers on the duvet.</p><p>Kiyoomi pressed his lips sideways, without stopping to move his hand. He lowered the skin and uncovered the glans, finally going to taste the tip. He opened his mouth, swallowing the erection and Atsumu let out a shaking sigh. He kept his eyes on the whole scene. </p><p><br/>
He felt the other's mouth sink and then rise again, his cheeks hollowing slightly. He brushed the black hair away from his face, wanting to take a closer look, but Kiyoomi kept his eyes closed. <br/>
-God ... - Atsumu panted. <br/>
The hand holding the erection was soaked with saliva and the sounds coming from his mouth were wonderful. <br/>
Kiyoomi was probably very skilled, or maybe the whole idea that he was sucking him had made Atsumu particularly horny, because it took very little time for him to cum. </p><p><br/>
-Omi I-I'm coming - he mumbled, grabbing his hair, starting to move his pelvis imperceptibly. <br/>
Kiyoomi didn't want to swallow, but just then he remembered the conversation with Komori about blowjobs. </p><p> <br/>
<em>Why do I have to think about him now?! </em></p><p><br/>
Eventually he found himself swallowing a not indifferent amount of cum, he detached his mouth – full of saliva – and wiped his hand on Atsumu’s pants on the ground. Then he ran his arm over his lips to dry them. <br/>
Atsumu looked at him in awe - wow, you swallowed it. <br/>
Sakusa stuck out his tongue, disgusted - don't get used to it, the taste sucks. </p><p><br/>
The other grabbed his arms, dragged him over him on the bed and hugged him - it was great! The best blowjob of my life! <br/>
Kiyoomi looked at him smugly - flatter head, should I take that as a compliment? <br/>
-Obviously. Now it's my turn! </p><p><br/>
Kiyoomi stepped over him and lay down on the other side of the bed - I'm really tired, Tsumu, let's do it tomorrow or another day, okay? <br/>
-But you're excited. <br/>
- I'm exhausted - he replied, lifting the blanket. <br/>
He was still dressed, but he was pondering whether or not to sleep like that. <br/>
Atsumu slipped under the duvet, positioning himself between his legs - then sleep, I’ll suck you off anyway. <br/>
Kiyoomi couldn't even protest, as he felt Atsumu’s cold fingers brush the bare skin of his hips and lower his pants.</p><p>He was wearing a pair of lace panties, but Atsumu couldn't see them in the darkness of the blankets. He certainly could touch them. <br/>
-What exciting panties, Omi - he commented amused - can I see them? <br/>
-If you want to die, go ahead. <br/>
He heard him laugh and then he put his face on the fabric of his briefs and inhaled. </p><p> </p><p>His erection had certainly slipped out and Atsumu touched it with uncertain fingers. <br/>
-Take my underwear off. <br/>
-I don’t want to. <br/>
-Atsumu do not be a jerk, otherwise they’ll get dirty. <br/>
He snorted, but then decided to take them off. </p><p>Kiyoomi was excited beyond belief, he wanted to hold back, but it was impossible. He just wanted to grab Atsumu’s head and sink into his mouth. <br/>
Atsumu was mimicking his earlier gestures, but in a hastier way. In fact, after a while he felt the warm and moist sensation of his mouth that welcomed him. <br/>
Kiyooni buried his head in the pillow, but didn't breathe, glad that Atsumu couldn't see his expression. <br/>
-Youf too big. <br/>
- Please, <em>at least </em>with my dick in your mouth don't talk. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu started sucking him, but it was clear that he had no idea what he was doing. Kiyoomi nearly kicked him twice, feeling his teeth, but he held back and just clenched his jaw. The problem was that Atsumu kept interrupting himself every time Kiyoomi was close and he was seriously freaking out. </p><p>-Miya, every time you stop ... </p><p>-I know - and he catch his breath - but it's fucking tiring. How come the girls do it? My jaw hurts. But I'm not giving up! </p><p> </p><p>He resumed sucking and Kiyoomi relaxed his body, focusing on the sensation. Atsumu was slowly getting used to the right rhythm, also following the instructions of the other. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi was generally quite sensitive, but he couldn't come between his teeth and interruptions soon. </p><p>-I’m close... - he gasped, and raised his pelvis slightly. Atsumu didn't move away, and he felt his erection contract and the hot liquid invade his mouth. He took off, slumping sideways still under the covers. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi caught his breath for a moment and then blindly reached out, pulling up his underwear and pants. Atsumu emerged from under the covers shortly thereafter, hair disheveled, face red and sweaty</p><p> - You're right, the taste just sucks. And you don't even eat sweets - he touched his jaw - it took you two hours anyway, I didn't feel my jaw anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi tried to dodge his kiss, disgusted, but the other forced him to. </p><p>-Thank you, there was no need for it. </p><p>- This is exactly why you are neurotic, you hold back too much. And it was fun, I think I have a talent.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi avoided telling him that no, he had no talent at all and that it had been one of the worst blowjobs of his life. He didn’t say it because it wasn't really the truth, since he had never been so happy to receive one. </p><p>- Let's brush our teeth and go to sleep, I'm destroyed. </p><p>Atsumu hugged him.</p><p>- I knew I should have come tonight. My skills as a seducer hit the spot.</p><p> He kissed his neck, then rubbed his nose against his skin. </p><p>They changed and went to sleep, even though Kiyoomi’s bed wasn't particularly spacious. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Despite the exhaustion, it took a while for Sakusa to fall asleep. He was so eager to have sex that just feeling Atsumu’s back against his was tempting. </p><p>However, rationality and paranoia had always got the better of him. Atsumu was an exuberant and hasty type, while Kiyoomi analyzed each situation in detail. </p><p>He didn't want to dwell too much on the fact that he was dating a straight guy, an experience that had never happened to him, but the fact remained that this was the case. </p><p>Yet Atsumu didn't seem particularly uncomfortable with a penis in his mouth, in fact, he felt like a baby with a new toy. He narrowed his eyes in the dark. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Atsumu will want to be on top. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He finally had the courage to face that thought. Atsumiu certainly wanted to top. And how to blame him? Taking it in the ass was certainly not a very simple thing, both from a physical and psychological point of view, and in fact he had only slept with women previously. </p><p>It would have been more than logical to let him stay on the first time, more than natural.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fuck it! I don't want to bottom. This frantic would send me to the hospital! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>No, it was impossible to even think about it. He'd only had one experience and it was painful, and the guy wasn't even as big as Atsumu down there. </p><p>And that jerk wasn't exactly one who took things calmly, who held back. At least Kiyoomi had been on top many times and knew how not to make the other feel pain. He buried his face in the pillow and sighed, longing for sleep. Maybe this time he would have to give up, but he wasn't so sure he could. <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
 </p><p>♥</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Atsumu was taking some photos, bored.</p><p>He stood there indefinitely until he saw familiar mop of curly, black hair crossing the courtyard. He followed him with the lens. </p><p> Kiyoomi had a cigarette in his fingers and was talking on the phone. He closed the call and leaned against the wall in the shade, as far away from other people and the building as possible. </p><p> Atsum aimed the camera at him, wrapped in the orange sunset light, in shadow.</p><p>He took the picture, feeling that sense of satisfaction he had been missing. It was exciting, he felt like he had a strange power to look without being seen. </p><p>He looked at the photo, reflecting on how good it had turned out. Omi’s expression was ... </p><p>He froze, watching him reenter. Why the hell was he taking pictures of him instead of talking to him? </p><p>Atsumu ran inside, paying attention to the camera.</p><p> </p><p> -What are you doing here? - Kiyoomi asked, looking puzzled. </p><p> -I was waiting for you, let's get back together? </p><p> Kiyoomi held back a yawn - go home. I don't know when I'll finish. </p><p> -But I saw the other assistants leave. </p><p> Kiyoomi got nervous - thanks for waiting for me, but I’ll see you later, I still have things to attend to. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu stopped him by his wrist - after this you have to go to work. Do you want to get there dead? Do they make you do their job? I remember you wrote it to me when you were pretending to be Pali-chan. Why are you doing it? </p><p>Kiyoomi looked incredibly annoyed - I actually refused. I used to have to because they had a, ehm, compromising picture of me. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu stiffened - what what what? You were in your underwear –</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi interrupted him. </p><p>-No idiot, it was a photo where I… - he couldn't say it - it doesn't matter, that photo has no more power over me. But Washio still loads me with work more than those two, I have no idea why he is so angry with me. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu began one of his tirades about why it was unfair and inadmissible, waving a fist and firing threats and catchphrases about how he would make him pay. Kiyoomi stopped listening to him after the first minute, knowing that Atsumu couldn't do anything and that in any case, he wouldn't let him act. </p><p>- You're wasting my time, go home. </p><p>-Can I at least help you? That old shit is gone too, right? </p><p>Kiyoomi looked at him carefully - you don't need to stay here all afternoon. Seriously. </p><p>-Mind yer business, I do what I want. </p><p>He sighed heavily - okay. Then, thank you.</p><p> </p><p> He looked really tired, he had two dark crescents under his eyes and his complexion was not the best. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu helped him for an hour to record data on a pc from a stack of papers, dictating them to him. Fortunately, it took them little time to finish. </p><p>As Kiyoomi locked the study, Atsumu handed him the coffee from the machines. The guy greeted him with the expression of a thirsty man in the middle of the desert. </p><p>- I took a picture of you a couple of hours ago - Atsumu confessed, like a criminal. </p><p>Kiyoomi looked at him puzzled, taking a sip - when? </p><p>-Do you want to see her? He asked timidly. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Tsumu don't be like… like that. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was adorable, but Kiyoomi categorically refused to think of such an adjective for his bugger boyfriend. </p><p> He moved closer to him and looked at the square camera screen. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The photo was very beautiful, you could barely see the outlines of him as he was in dim light, but the red tip of the cigarette shone. </p><p>-To think that someone like you can take such photos - he reflected aloud - since it is beautiful, I forgive you for taking it in secret. </p><p>-Hey, what does mean "someone like you"? Asshole. </p><p> </p><p>They left the university, and as soon as they turned the corner, Atsumu pushed him hard against the wall, kissing him. Kiyoomi reciprocated for a few seconds. He felt like laughing every time Atsumu brought out that wild romance side, but that how Atsumu was, he couldn't help but be a little theatrical at times. </p><p>He pushed him aside - what are you doing this weekend? </p><p>Atsumu stopped - I don't know, but I heard from Tanaka-san that Kiyoko is back in university for a couple of days and wanted to arrange a mega outing with us. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi froze. </p><p> If Atsumu talked to Kiyoko, he would certainly discover that the messages he had received were not coming from her.</p><p>He quickly thought about how to avoid that disaster, but he didn't need to say anything. </p><p>Atsumu scratched his head - listen ... is it possible for you to shorten your shift on Saturday? So that we could spend an evening together without worrying about the next day? </p><p> -Yes - he replied quickly - of course, I can ask. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe I dodged this mess. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> Atsumu gave a giant smile - perfect!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>♥</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Mr. Sakusa,</em></p><p>
  <em>I 'm Miya Atsumu, a friend of your son, we met when I was little, do you remember me? Anyway, I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but I had to ask you a question. There is a professor who seems to have a particular grudge against Kiyoomi-kun, and who is making his life so complicated. His name is Washio, could you tell me if you know if something is wrong? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sincerely, </em>
</p><p> <em>Miya Atsumu. </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He pondered whether to leave that "best regards". After all, he wasn't a university professor. He was his boyfriend's father, hadn't he been too formal? But Sakusa-san was a stiff and old-style guy, it was better not to take risks.</p><p>He would have appreciated the formality more than the other way around for sure.</p><p> </p><p>He sent the e-mail with a satisfied expression. He had asked his father for the address.</p><p>He got up, stretching. He caught the sweatshirt in the chair, causing it to fall to the ground and getting disapproving looks from every student around.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>On Saturday they would finally be able to get something done. He hadn't had sex for months, since the story with Pali-chan began, probably Kiyoomi didn't…</p><p> </p><p>He froze, suddenly remembering the hickey Omi displayed several weeks ago.</p><p>He closed the book, slightly speechless.</p><p>Omi had recently had sex. With who?</p><p> </p><p>-Atsumu? He looked up, meeting Kiyoomi’s black eyes. He was in front of the bench, wearing a gray T-shirt and plain jeans.</p><p>- Did you already finish?</p><p>-Already? - he replied angrily - it's almost seven. Why did you stop here again? I told you not to wait for me.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu stood up - how are you?</p><p>- My fever has passed, don't worry.</p><p>- Would you like to eat something with me? You don't have to work today, right?</p><p>Kiyoomi checked the clock down the hall - okay, but not onigiri.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They left the university. Tsumu’s apartment was much larger than Kiyoomi’s, not just because he shared it with Suna.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu was not lacking in money, this was well known, but he was not a spendthrift. His main wastes involved stack of onigiris and photo material; the rest was set aside.</p><p>He wasn't a designer, he wasn't interested in buying sports cars or motorbikes, he wasn't a tech geek or a collector, he didn't spend everything on evenings or entertainment.</p><p>From that point of view, he was a fairly simple person, and his parents overlooked the mess he had been doing with girls and studying since he was fifteen.</p><p>As Atsumu put the keys in the lock, Kiyoomi remembered the freshman year of college, when they met again.</p><p> </p><p>Initially he hadn't wanted to put up with him, he was going through a bad time, and had no desire to make friends. But with Atsumu the expression "leave me alone" was absolutely empty and meaningless.</p><p> </p><p>He had imposed his presence on him from the first day.</p><p>He was initially friendly, “Omi! It has been some time” but after realizing that his friendly approach didn't work, he started to be competitive and hostile.</p><p>Perhaps it was the only time he had seriously studied.</p><p>Despite this, Kiyoomi couldn't remember the exact moment they became inseparable, it was a natural process.</p><p> </p><p>Suna greeted them with a smile, sitting in the kotatsu with the laptop at hand.</p><p> </p><p>Soon after he followed Atsumu into the bedroom. It had been centuries since he had entered that room; there was enough chaos to make him want to flee immediately.</p><p>He couldn't see the floor for how many clothes were littered on the floor, and there were boxes of beers, books thrown aside, and the whole room smelled of sweat and fried food.</p><p>-Disgusting.</p><p>-Ah sorry, I haven't cleaned it in a while. –</p><p>-"A while" is an understatement.</p><p> </p><p>He then lifted his face and noticed the dozens of photos pinned to the walls. Almost all of his photos.</p><p>He swallowed, feeling uncomfortable in front of that eerie mosaic made up of his face. The first thing he thought about was Atsumu masturbating in that room.</p><p>He shook his head, pushing that thought away.</p><p>- Here.</p><p>Atsumu handed him the photo he had taken a few days ago, pulling it out of the backpack. He had it printed.</p><p>-You liked it, didn't you? He accepted it without saying anything, putting it in his shoulder strap.</p><p>-Let’s eat, I'm starving!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>♥</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> After eating, Kiyoomi helped Atsumu clear away and clean everything. Atsumu hadn't talked much throughout the meal, so Kiyoomi suspected that an inopportune question was coming, some idiotic worry or nonsense talk.</p><p>He knew him well enough now, his prolonged silences suggested that something was wrong. </p><p> </p><p>He saw him open his mouth, and then close it again reluctantly.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi asked if he could smoke inside the house, and Atsumu gave him permission. Then he leaned against the half-open window, lighting a butt</p><p>- I'll go in a quarter of an hour. So, if you want to ask me something, just do it. </p><p>-How many men have you been in bed with?</p><p>He finally asked, without turning around. </p><p> </p><p>He was holding a hand around the cigarette as he lit it.</p><p>The black eyes slowly rose to him</p><p>- I don't have to tell you - he said, breathing out a mouthful of smoke. </p><p> </p><p>That answer annoyed Atsumu - come on, I want to know. </p><p>-You sure? </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu froze, looking at him hesitantly. Suddenly he wasn't so sure he wanted to know anymore.</p><p>Was Kiyoomi a playboy of the gay world or something? This meant that he must have slept with dozens of men. And the gays were almost all super-groomed, right?</p><p>Like sprinkling themselves with scented creams, shaving their hair completely, or waxing. Did he really have to shave? It wasn't that he had a lot of hair on his legs.</p><p> </p><p>He never thought he had to worry about certain things, like the texture of his skin or similar details.</p><p>And then, his was considered a nice ass? He had no idea, what were the standards for judging a nice butt in the male world?</p><p>Kiyoomi had undoubtedly a nice ass, although he had never been able to see it without pants. </p><p> </p><p>-I feel you're thinking of something idiotic - Kiyoomi commented - speak. </p><p>-Were there so many? </p><p>Sakusa rolled his eyes</p><p>- I'm not going to tell you. </p><p>- Was the hickey you had from your, uh, fuck buddie or something? </p><p> Kiyoomi looked at him smugly - no. </p><p>- But it was someone you slept with. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi ran a hand through his hair, exasperated - he was a random guy, okay? It's not something I usually do, I was drunk. </p><p> </p><p>Atsumu seemed to be deeply irritated.</p><p>– Got it</p><p>- Don't go making that face. You've had your experiences, I have mine. The End. </p><p> </p><p>- But it's different – he muttered. </p><p> </p><p>Wrong sentence. He had said something inappropriate and he could see it in his eyes. Kiyoomi stopped the cigarette in midair. </p><p>-How would it be different? </p><p>-I have never been with a man. </p><p>-So, is having sex with a woman less important? </p><p> </p><p>He stared at him for a moment - yes in this case - he answered sincerely. </p><p>Kiyoomi threw his cigarette out the window, whereupon he got up from the windowsill - thanks for dinner. I’m going home. </p><p>Atsumu jumped up - wait! What's wrong with you? </p><p> He didn't let himself be touched, grabbing his jacket - since doing it with a woman is less relevant, can I find one tonight? After all, it's not a problem for you, right? </p><p> </p><p> He turned, seeing the other astonished.</p><p>Atsumu didn't know what to say - sorry, I didn't mean that. </p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi brought his face close to his, almost touching him</p><p>- I can gloss over all the ignorant bullshit you shoot about the gay world, but not this one. Don't think that watching you go from one girl to another was fun. </p><p>Atsumu opened his mouth and closed it, mortified - sorry. </p><p>-Now I really have to go - he retrieved his backpack and put on his shoes, then looked at the other's beaten puppy expression - good night. </p><p>The blond tried to kiss him, but the other left him there like a fool at the entrance, dodging him - see you tomorrow. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'm an idiot.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Atsumu mumbled in his head as he watched him walk away, then called Suna plaintively.</p><p> </p><p>♥</p><p> </p><p> Atsumu drove Kiyoomi to the pub on Saturday night. He would have agreed to make a shorter shift, so they could get home at a decent time.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu took care of everything that needed to take care of.</p><p> </p><p>He had done his research, three days of gay porn that he honestly didn't like very much, he had to look for videos where the protagonist looked like Kiyoomi.</p><p>Then he bought himself a lube, he was already full of condoms. He had cleaned up and continued to mull over rectal prolapses. </p><p> </p><p> <em>Atsumu stop it, a rectal prolapse doesn't happen that way, don't worry!</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Suna had told him. But he couldn't get certain images out of his head, he was genuinely worried. Yet he was also elated, excited, and still incredulous.</p><p>If he thought that until a month ago he was still drowning in his repressed feelings, he couldn't help but smile.</p><p>Smile nervously.</p><p>He wondered if girls felt that way in certain situations. He had always acted on instinct, he had never made plans to sleep with anyone, he had never had to inform himself, wash in a certain way, ask himself certain questions. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe I'll find out that Omi likes to be bottom.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He should have talked to him first.</p><p>It would have been easier if they confronted each other earlier, but no! They had to act like two idiotic kids and ignore the problem until they bumped into it.</p><p>And now they were about to have sex and they had no idea how they were going to do it.</p><p>He also feared for his sex performance, he could already picture Omi’s betrayed expression. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>How did you satisfy all those girls? You’re really helpless, the worst fuck of my life!</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>No, his pride couldn't take such a thing, there are things a man should never be told in his life, and this is one of them.</p><p> </p><p>He hoped with all his heart that it would work out like in the movies: the two of them at the door kissing frantically, casual and wild sex without exchanging half a word, and then change of scene with the two of them in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>It would have been perfect, all-natural, everyone already knew what he had to do, no discussion of who is top or bottom.</p><p>-You are already on the third drink, you are not going to get drunk, are you? - Komori asked him, taking the empty glass.</p><p>Atsumu was already tipsy, but he shook his head firmly.</p><p> - Not tonight!</p><p>His eyes wandered around for Omi, he found him conversing with a customer.</p><p>Watching him drove out most of those worries; Kiyoomi was really handsome, one of those beauties you don't often find around. It was not only linked to his physical appearance, but to his attitude, his gestures, his looks.</p><p>He was sensual in an inconceivable way, and those glacial looks sent shocks directly into her lower parts.</p><p> </p><p>Getting fucked by someone like Omi couldn't be bad, only his looks were able to arouse Atsumu.</p><p>He looked between his legs, running a hand over his face. It was embarrassing how sensitive he was to everything related to Kiyoomi, not even a horny teenager could go that far.</p><p> </p><p>When he saw Kiyoomi going outside to smoke a cigarette, he jumped off his seat and followed him out. The alley was deserted, unlike the place that crowded people on Saturdays.</p><p>Sakusa looked at him</p><p>- I'm almost done for tonight.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu nodded, taking his hand and dragging him down the alley behind the garbage nerds.</p><p>-Hey, what's wrong with you?</p><p>He protested, pushing the cigarette away so as not to burn him.</p><p>Atsumu pushed him against the wall and kissed him. The sweetish taste of alcohol mingled with that of a cigarette.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi let him do it and didn't even interrupt him when he went down to kiss his neck, pulling back the collar of his shirt. His hand went to touch him between his legs, and Kiyoomi curled his lip as he felt the other one pull down his pants.</p><p> </p><p>-Atsumu don’t ...</p><p>The latter bent over on his heels, unbuttoning his fly and pulling out his dick.</p><p>Kiyoomi hesitated, so exposed in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu gazed at his erection, regardless of the lace panties he pulled it out from. He was so pale in that area. He took it in his mouth without being able to wait, sinking until his nose brushed Kiyoomi’s pube.</p><p>He opened his mouth without letting out any verse and leaned against the wall, praying that no one would pass.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu started sucking him with more intensity, remembering the right way to do it and helping himself with his hand. He then reached into his pants, palming himself.</p><p>Saliva trickled down his chin, dripping, but he didn't stop.</p><p> </p><p>The fingers of his free hand moved to the backside of Kiyoomi.</p><p>Sakusa tensed when he felt the hand drop his pants.</p><p>-Atsumu we're out!</p><p>He hissed between his teeth, without being heard.</p><p>He clenched his hands over the blond hair, biting his lip.</p><p>Atsumu fingers touched him between his cheeks, and he froze when he felt a finger brush against his rim.</p><p> </p><p>He lowered his eyes and met Atsumu’s mocking ones. It almost felt like he was challenging him.</p><p>Kiyoomi didn't flinch when he felt the finger penetrate him, but in revenge he grabbed his head hard and sank once, coming.</p><p>-Anf ... you're drunk - Kiyoomi managed to say, out of breath.</p><p> </p><p>Atsumu swallowed and sat down, a noticeable erection appearing under his jeans - and does it bother you?</p><p>He asked with a mocking smile.</p><p> </p><p>Kiyoomi helped him up and grabbed him firmly until his ear came close to his - no, but you better come back to yourself by the time I finish my shift. Because I want you to be conscious during all the things I will do to you at home - he whispered.</p><p>He pulled back his pants and went back inside, while Atsumu put a hand to his burgundy face and thought about how to get rid of his erection that had just worsened.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just wanted to clarify something, Atsumu's thoughts about the "gay" world are NOT my thoughts. He's just a dork in love, forgive him, he's trying<br/>Enjoy and let me know if you liked it.<br/>My twitter where I rant about them.<br/>https://twitter.com/ungesabichan</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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